Husband opinionated about birth

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Okay so our first child came into this world by elective induction. Long story. It was a great birth for her. We did well.

I'm pregnant with our second and last baby. He knows I will give birth the safest way determined for this child. But I was explaining since it's my last baby, I'd like to go into labor naturally without induction. He took that like I had regrets about the first birth. And I don't. So he said so why does it even matter to talk about. And I told him bc of my anxiety I need him to be supportive during birth.

We live 45 miles from the hospital we picked for our babies and he keeps saying if I don't do an elective induction I'm going to have her at home or in the car on the way. There's literally two major hospitals north and south from our home that we could be at within 20 min or less. So I was telling him if things progresses that quickly we could just go to one of those. They aren't our preference to deliver at just bc they have a lower level nursery. And the hospital we picked has the top nicu in the state.

Anyways, the conversation just kept escalating. He said I wasn't being logical and that I should trust my doctor more.

But,in my mind he's the one that's not making sense. I do trust my doctor. And if at any given moment my Dr told me to rush to get even a c-section I would not hesitate. I just would love to try to do thing naturally if I'm given the option. I'm not asking for a home birth. Just as little medical intervention as possible. But I don't feel like I can be successful until we are on the same page. I told home he doesn't have to birth the child so he needed to just be quiet and supportive. And e literally said I'd it was my choice we would pick a day and have her so we don't have to be in a hurry or worry about getting our daughter to her grandparents house.

And all I can think is dude you literally just have to sit there during birth so shut up. Ugh!!! Sorry rant over.

If anyone has tips on how to get husband to be a active birth pattern lmk. It's making me just want to birth her alone LOL.

162 views • 0 upvotes • 12 comments

COMMENT (12)

Ke

Posted at
I know this isn’t good advice, but ultimately it’s your decision. If you want to wait for natural labor then wait for it. 45 minutes really isn’t that long. Most women experience contractions before water breaks (if it even breaks on its own) and as long as they’re not 2-3 minutes apart, you likely won’t give birth in the car. I would just head to the hospital sooner rather than later when contracting. I’m an hour 20 away from the hospital I deliver at. With my second, my water was only leaking. There was plenty of time to get to the hospital. I ended up being induced because I don’t dilate on my own, but I really think you’ll have time. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He probably likes the convenience of an induction.

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b • Apr 11, 2021
Oh for sure!! I def will be ready for induction by then LOL.

Ke

Ke • Apr 11, 2021
How about you schedule an induction for like 41W and if baby comes before then naturally, then it works out! I’m all about compromise. 😂

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b • Apr 11, 2021
Was responding but did in a separate comment LOL.

M

Posted at
Ugh. Men sometimes are the worst. 😬Okay so 45 minutes isn’t a big deal. I probably wouldn’t talk about it anymore if he’s going to be opinionated. When it’s time to go, you just hop in the car. It’s really not that big a deal. Slip on some disposable undies or tuck a diaper in your undies/pants before you get in the car. Then sit on a towel. Maybe have a trash bag and extra towels stashed in there just in case. But 45 minutes, you’ll be fine.I would keep working with your OB and come up with the plan that works best for you. If induction is picked, yay. If it’s natural, yay! Either way do what’s best for you.

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b • Apr 11, 2021
This is definitely going to be my plan. Lol. I know he trusts me and I guess I have just come to realize he can't handle the stress of the unknown. He will be responsible for keeping all three of his girls safe that day lol. So I'm going to have a plan worked out with my doctor and just tell him when it's time to leave LOL.

B

Posted at
I agree with the other ladies that it's your decision and I think you should stand your ground. I completely understand that you want as little medical intervention as possible. I've also heard that it can make the experience more painful and can cause additional complications. My BIL's girlfriend had to be induced and that ended in a c-section, which isn't uncommon. Maybe hearing this might convince him that it actually safer for you and baby to wait until labour happens naturally. However, I do think your husband's fears are legitimate as it does happen, albeit not that often. In fact, my hospital is only 10 minute drive from me and within 20 minutes of me arriving there I had my son, so a 40 minute drive wouldn't have been enough time for us! 😅 That being said, all women and their labours are different and you know if your first labour progressed quickly or not. Good luck and I hope you agree on a birth plan soon! 😊

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b • Apr 12, 2021
We've definitely come to an agreement now!! It's just an emotional topic as you know! And he just wants us to be safe. Our hospital is in downtown Nashville, TN. Which is 45 MILES from our house. Which can be a 45 min drive or easily a 1.5 HR drive. Lol

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Posted at
It is my decision for sure! I mean it would be different if I was like I'm having her at home and I was actually doing something that might not work out well. Like babe I'm literally saying I'm going to the hospital. He's ALL about convenience. He's an engineer. So emotional decisions make no sense to him. He will always pick the plan that has a near guaranteed outcome. Which is really nice for literally everything else in life.

K

Posted at
Sounds like he’s just anxious too! Why were you induced with your first? My first came on her own at 41+1... I’m terrified I won’t make it to hospital with number 2

K

K • Apr 12, 2021
I’m so sorry to hear that! Sounds like a lot of big emotions all around. Sending hugs! It will work out beautifully I’m sure ❤️❤️

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b • Apr 12, 2021
It's a long story! But in summary, we lost our first baby. And the morning that we did I woke up from having very vivid dreams about losing him. And his heart had stopped. During my pregnancy with my daughter I felt great. All was well. And I started early laboring at home. I woke up Monday morning and my contractions had stopped and i had a dream her cord was wrapped around her neck and we lost her. So I went to work and could tell something wasn't right. Phoned my doctor. And she was like if you have a vibe something's wrong we need to get her our. So we did. And I'll never regret trusting my gut. Our very first pregnancy was a very early loss. But, I'm very in tune with my body. And I just feel like this girl is going to come in a much more calm way. And I wanted to just embrace that and be mentally prepared for possibly no medicine. But, having a healthy baby is way more important to me. So I'll continue to follow what my doctor thinks. Was just hoping my SO would have been more open about it. But I'm trying to remember he's still a little traumatized by our first baby. And now he will be responsible for driving me to the hospital while I'm in labor and getting our daughter to our grandparents. So I think I just wasn't taking time to acknowledge his feelings too.