So, I’m 24, in college, no car, no job, battling social anxiety, depression and OCD. Fear. Ever since 6th grade, I started developing social anxiety due to teasing and being isolated by my peers which made me feel something is wrong with me. It got worse as I got to middle/high school. I didn’t participate in activities, I would hide in the bathroom, skip lunch or even a class because I was afraid I was going to mess up and embarrass myself.

I can’t get over it and I just wish I went back and changed things. I wish I was the girl who didn’t care what people thought and didn’t hide her shine. It beats me up a lot that there aren’t any time machines still in 2021 lmao.

I always feel like I try to please my parents and still feel like a kid. I can’t stop comparing myself to others and wanting to be them. I think I’m dull and insanely awkward. I never was the girl people wanted to befriend nor date. I still feel invisible no matter how out there I am (grew to be more friendly and extroverted as I started taking meds after high school).

Odd connection but after I watched “The Matrix”, it made me excited to just think about how life is just a dream and no ones opinions matter. This is my life and I can do whatever I want kind of vibe. Idk. Just want to be free from these invisible shackles.

I just want to live and be free. Be comfortable in my own skin and not give a fuck. Help? Advice? Experiences?

*plays Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill* o.o