Hey ladies. I’m needing some advice or support... I don’t know. Just a friend?

My husband and I got married in 2017, have two babies and another on the way. He cheated two months into the marriage and was verbally abusive and emotionally cheating the whole time we were dating.

The verbal abuse has gone away and the cheating has stopped I believe. I have access to all of his accounts.

Trust has been rough to build as he is a chronic liar. We are active church members, but we have our struggles like anyone else. We’re far from perfect.

My husband had a high school sweetheart that he was on and off again with for three years in school. He cheated on her a lot and just wasn’t great to her.

Well over the years he’s compared me to her often. His mom still has photos of them on facebook has talked about her to me, has showed our daughter photos of them kissing as teenagers, still interacts with her...and he’s been caught looking at her profiles to “check up with her.” As far as I know, he hasn’t talked to her at alll. She’s married with a baby now. Well over the past year he’s said to me “if I hadn’t made all of the mistakes I made when I was younger I would still be in NY, married to her not you, have kids with her and running the family business.” He’s said variations of this a few times now.. he’s also brought up her family a lot over the years as examples of what he wants us to be...

I’m really hurt about this. Our marriage has no emotional or physics intimacy aside from trying for another baby for a month because I just can’t get myself to be close to him.. to hug him and feel something... to kiss him and not want to pull away.,. I know the trust is a big part of this... I have had no sex drive at all for over a year and just kind of do it to pacify him until he wants it again. I haven’t let him have sex with me since we tried for this baby in January.

I’m at a loss. We’ve done counseling, we’ve met with other couples... I’m just so exhausted...

I don’t know how to feel or what to do anymore. No matter what I say or threaten or cry to him it’s always the same.

We talked about it last night and he tried to explain things away... I just... don’t know..