Partner A perspective (me): I’ve always had a set timeframe as to when I wanted to start having children. I’m getting close to that age and I just want to work on my emotional, financial and mental well-being. When I was younger, I moved away from my friends and didn’t make any in the new city I lived in so I was a loner for the rest of my high school years. Even to this day I don’t have friends in this city per say. People I can actually invite out (pre-covid ofc). I also wasn’t in a position where I could actually go out and party (possessive ex, homelessness, etc.) NOW, I’m in a much better position where I can do all of that. Needless to say, I feel like it would be nice to get my partying out of the way (nothing too crazy) before I finally settle into family life although it’s still a goal of mine, just not right now. And if the pandemic doesn’t bend before I reach my “perfect age”, then i’ll be fine with not doing all of the partying, but I want to do it now while I don’t have the responsibility of a child. I’d also like to build a more solid/stable foundation in my relationship, getting to fully know my partner before having a child and getting married because those are very big commitments. I love my partner dearly, but I feel as though we have a lot to work on before we can get to the marriage stage and I’d like to work on this before we make something that permanent and solid. I also don’t want to get pregnant during a pandemic, I’d like to actually enjoy my pregnancy without having to wear all the masks and the hysteria and anxiety that’s been going around.

Partner B perspective: I’ve done the partying and having fun, I’ve always wanted to have kids young and get married and I feel as though the partying is played out. Although I was willing to wait, I spoke to a friend of mine and she made me realize I was going based on my partners wants instead of my own. My partner basically just wants to go to carnival, “dress up half naked and dance on random men (Partner B’s words, not mine)”. I feel like partner A doesn’t appreciate the fact that I want to settle down with her, and I don’t want to have to wait. I’d carry the child myself, but I’ve never had the want to do that and because there’s too much going on with my family that I’d just prefer not to, but if I absolutely have to I will. I just don’t think my partner is being fair to my wants in the relationship. I want to have a child before getting married and she wants the opposite. I want to get married right now, because I love her and she loves me. I told her I’d never leave her or our child to suffer EVER. I’m also more financially more stable than she is so I feel as though she shouldn’t worry about money or housing ever. I feel like we should do it now while we’re still young. I’ve experienced so much trauma with people dying before they could ever experience these things and I keep telling my partner life is too short to wait! Why wait to have a child just to party? I’d rather spend time with family and exploring nature. Why should I have to wait just because you’re not where you want to be and I am?

Partner A’s compromise: We can have a child before marriage, that’s fine. In a year or even a few months from now, if we’re both better mentally and emotionally and I’m better financially stable and we’re able to argue in a healthy way, we can have a child. We can also get married if that’s something we still want to do.

Partner B’s compromise: i’ll wait, but I won’t be happy about it. We’ll just see how it goes.