This is long but it’s weighing heavy on my heart so here goes. I really don’t know where to start but I am so unbelievably stressed and scared for this baby and I need to talk about it. So at about 16 weeks I got my results back from the genetic testing. I had to get blood drawn for it twice, and then I felt like I was given the run around trying to get the results. So I finally had a doctor’s appointment and I was given my results for gender and genetic abnormalities. The baby is at a 60% chance of having Trisomy 21. That started all this worry and stress. My dr was pretty reassuring, says it’s just a screening, it’s not a definite yes she will have it, just a likely hood based off the blood draw. So I started seeing a specialist about 2 weeks later. From then it was asked if I wanted an amnio, if I wanted to terminate, etc. my options pretty much. I couldn’t make up my mind so I decided against an amnio because to me it was more stressful to know for sure if she would have t21. If I didn’t know for sure, I could still hope. So I’ve been going to appointments, worrying, stressing, crying, doing my best to enjoy pregnancy but just so scared. So now I’m 25 weeks, and since I’ve been about 20 they’ve noticed that the baby is not where she should be in terms of growth. In the ultrasounds, her blood flow, fluids, organs seems to all appear healthy but she is really small and her growth is starting to slow down. She is measuring on the end of 20 weeks as of yesterday. They don’t see any soft markers to indicate t21 like bright spots on her heart, kidneys, fluid behind neck, etc. The low growth, weight, and low amniotic fluid is what I’ve been told can be an indicator of t21. We’re carrying on as she is presumed to have t21. Every appointment there is something new to worry about and the stress is killing me. There is a higher chance of still birth at this point and that’s what we’re trying to avoid. My dr has moved me to weekly appointments so we can closely monitor her and for that I am so grateful but I am terrified what we’ll find at every appointment. Every appointment I’m told to pack a bag for the hospital because I might be there until she’s born. We just want our baby to LIVE and survive birth. There is still so much we don’t know and I can’t keep acting like I’m okay because I am not. My sleep schedule is so messed up because of the stress. I wake up at about 5am every day and just lay in bed and cry and toss and turn and try to find peace on google. I’m still working as of right now, so I just walk around like a zombie because man do I always need a nap. Then I get home and start the process all over again. I don’t need anyone to tell me not to stress because if I hear it one more time I will publicly lose it. I know that. It doesn’t help. I need to hear other stories like this with good outcomes because it is the only thing bringing me peace. I already love and cherish this baby so much I just need some good vibes and happy stories.