A week before, I told myself “I’ll be ok. It’s just another day. No one will greet me Happy Mother’s Day. Afterall, nobody saw me practicing motherhood.” But last night I got my first Happy Mother’s Day greeting from a friend. She said, “You're still a Mom, and your Angel is celebrating with you today aswell!!! I love you 🥰” And I completely broke down. Part of me want to be celebrated and another part doesn’t want to be reminded of the bitter truth that my baby is not with me anymore.

Anxiety woke me up at 3am. I let my tears flow as I hold my aching chest and calm my breathing. Nightmares is not when I’m sleeping anymore, but when I wake up knowing a piece of me is missing. That’s the nightmare many of us is facing. Today I will avoid social media, save myself from feeling envy after seeing my friends and their babies this Mother’s Day.

This day will be hard for many of us, but know that you are a mother. Your love for that baby, no matter how small, made you a mother. You may not have “practiced motherhood” but you practiced that unconditional love without even seeing or holding your baby. That love made you a mother. You held that precious life in your womb. Happy Mother’s Day ❤️