Would incompatible sex drives be a deal breaker for you?

Question

My fiancé has a WAY higher sex drive than I do. I’m regularly really self conscious about how low mine is (1 or 2 times a month), but otherwise I’m perfectly healthy so I think it’s just how it is. Last night we had a discussion about how the physical side of our relationship is really hard for him to accept, and he needs to figure out how to cope with that, briefly mentioning an open relationship. I told him he can do what he needs to do, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stick around for it (as in, I’m very not ok with being open). The part that really hurt was that he didn’t reassure me about staying together, he just said he’d let me know. So my question is, would really differing sex drives be a deal breaker in your relationship? Before this I was very happy and secure with my fiancé, but now I just feel naive and heartbroken. I feel like if he doesn’t already resent me, he’ll come to. I’m really just looking for advice. TIA
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I’m honestly not trying to be unfair, I just honestly don’t know how to navigate this situation in a healthy way. My boyfriend before him was abusive and constantly manipulated/coerced me into having sex with him and raped me. I really just don’t know where the healthy middle ground is or where to find it. Somewhere between making more of an effort and forcing myself to be physical when I’m feeling sex-repulsed

Answer

So I think relationships are a two way street. My drive is lower than my husbands, but I make an effort to try and get in the mood so we can be intimate. We meet in the middle. This however is different. Instead of him asking you to meet in the middle and maybe try different things, he’s talking about an open relationship?!! That’s alarming to me. It seems manipulative. I would want out of that relationship. If my husband even mentioned that I would be done. It’s a huge red flag to me.

Answer

Yes it would be a deal breaker for me. You’re being very unfair because it doesn’t even seem like you’ve suggested any compromises. I can’t blame him for mentioning an idea because it doesn’t sound like you’re coming up with any yourself. 1-2 times a month would feel like neglect to me and that is coming from someone with a pretty low sex drive. The fact is I still want to please my partner even when mine is low because it’s important to me that he’s happy in all area of our relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to do it whenever he wants. It doesn’t mean you have to do is everything. You just have to compromise and come up with something because as of now you just sound selfish.

Answer

My drive is way higher than my SO’s and I’ve never considered needing someone else to make me happy.  I only want the intimate part of sex from him.  The orgasm can come from myself and I’m totally fine with that.  If there’s any suggestion he’ll get it other than with you or his hand, I wouldn’t stay.

Answer

If you are not okay with an open relationship, why did you bring it up? 
Many relationships end because of lack of sex.
My fiance and I have struggled with that on and off in our relationship and I let him do the open relationship for little while.
Currently neither of us are that interested in sex because we are tired from the kids and him working. We just had sex for the first time in 2 weeks and that is only because it was mother's day. We generally have sex once a week and I rarely get off from it.
This is something y'all really need to sit down and discuss,  there are other things besides sex to pleasure eachother.

Answer

Best advice I can give you is you should seek premarital counseling. If you're worried about cost check with your insurance about covering it/part of it and if that's not an option you can try a website called openpath that will help you access therapy at a cheaper rate. My little cost is definitely worth it to make sure you guys are starting your next step in life with a solid foundation. 
Or maybe you will find that it's not the relationship for you, I don't know. But either way it's the best thing you could possibly do for your relationship.

Answer

Ok there is trying to comprise and there is asking for permission to cheat and sleep with other people.
If you are not happy or ok with the idea then do not agree to it
You need to tell him your not happy and fine other way to work on your sex life....try a sex therapist or separate

Answer

Sex is important as well in any relationship that’s serious or marriage , I honestly wouldn’t expect my husband to stay with me if I was only giving in once or twice a month but you deserve somebody who feels exactly the way you do and unfortunately he doesn’t

Answer

My husband and I have struggled with this. He has a higher sex drive than me. It was a big pain point for a while. BUT we’ve worked on it. It’s not a deal breaker for him so he takes care of himself when need be. He’s also put A LOT of work into the times when I am in the mood. That’s helped immensely. It’s actually increase the frequency of when I’m in the mood. Still different for everyone but open and honest communication about it is key.

Answer

It would be a deal breaker for me- i think sexual compatibility is a huge part of a relationship- it forms a connection and bond and sense of “togetherness” and if one person is dissatisfied- it can leave them feeling neglected and detached

Answer

For a lot of people it would be a deal breaker. This is something y’all need to work out before marriage.

Would incompatible sex drives be a deal breaker for you?

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