It’s been about 2 months and half since my baby boy was born. I know they say that it’s normal to feel sad or emotional for a few weeks and then it’ll pass but it hasn’t passed for me. At random times, sometimes for the smallest things or sometimes for no reason I feel a strong urge to burst into tears and when that happens I start to panic, stress, various things cross my mind:

- what if my baby doesn’t love me

- what if he doesn’t know I’m his mother

- Im a bad mom because because Im not with him 24/7

- Im a bad mom because I sometimes struggle to get him to stop crying

- Im 21 and don’t know how to drive that much or have a car

- Im 21 and have no idea what Im going to college for

- what if my degrees/certificates from college dont lead me anywhere

- I’ve gained so much weight what if my bf doesn’t find me attractive anymore

- Im a failure

- maybe It’d be better if I was gone

I have times where I am happy, where I’m calm but there are also times where I’m suddenly mad, sad, frustrated and most times I don’t know why I feel that way to begin with.. it makes me feel like I’m losing myself. Even though suicide doesn’t cross my mind so often, even when it doesn’t, I begin to feel scared..