Honestly I am sooo frustrated. At first I was questioning, then I was “queer”, then I was Pansexual... one day this thought popped in my head and was like “what if you were never actually into men and it was all internalized male gaze and need for male validation/attention?” A couple weeks after, I discovered the “Lesbian Masterdoc” which is meant to help women and nb people who are questioning if they might be a lesbian better understand. I read it and most of it was spot on. I discovered the term “compulsory heterosexuality” and now I’m having a whole crisis lol. Was my attraction for men real? Was it just comphet? Do I just subconsiously wanna be a Lesbian bc I don’t feel “gay enough”. “But you don’t have to label yourself”. I knowww but I’d also like to know😭😭 I’ve never had any sexual thoughts about women other than when I watch lesbian porn. But I have had romantic feelings for a few. I liked the idea of sex with men but I had sex with a guy and I didn’t like it. I dreaded everytime sex was implied in the convo. I mostly was just there for the validation he was giving me and the friendship sorta. Also I just fucked him bc idk. I just wanted to relate to my other friends i guess. But I think I’ve had real feelings for men? I would make scenarios in my head about having sex with the ones i found attractive. But in my head i was practically putting a performance. It wasn’t about me, it was like “oh yeah I’m the best at giving head, riding, ect”. Almost like I objectify myself. Idk. I just feel guilty bc I don’t wanna be a fraud. I feel like I’m lying to myself and then I try to validate myself and it’s just a never ending cycle. It’s so frustrating and I feel so lost.