Abortion or Not ?

So I found out I was pregnant by a guy who I’ve been seeing for some months now and I’m completely in love with him, even though we are not together I ended up pregnant and my first thought was to just get a abortion and be done with it cause I didn’t want him to be upset honestly. but lately it’s just been weighing heavy on my heart and I have this feeling inside me like I just don’t want to do that. I know I would be able to heal from it and move on eventually but I have this strong urge to not kill my baby. its really weird. not that I expect us to be together for this baby cause I don’t at all but I do have children already as I am a divorcee and he doesn’t have any just yet but i just don’t know what to do. It’s keeping me up at night and I wish it was something I could be happy about and enjoy instead I’m crying myself to sleep every night because I feel like a heartless person. who am I to choose who I want to be a parent to or who’s life matters and who’s doesn’t. I look at my children and I absolutely adore them and I love them with everything me. I couldn’t ever imagine them not being here. I hate that I feel so alone in this cause it’s ultimately my decision to decide what I want to do. but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I stopped everything from drinking, going out and all. I’m just so torn on what to do