I hate my family

*help*

When I was 15 I was sexually abused by my cousin, not raped but sexually abused. It took a lot for me to come out and tell the family but I did, long story short it separated the family at first but after now no one believes me and the reason I say that is because he’s always around and they’re laughing with him while I feel so uncomfortable and remove myself.

There was a point in time years ago where I felt like I had to be “cool” with him because I was always removing myself: I thought I had to be okay with what happened so I can stop feeling so betrayed and lonely. After I’d say “hi” (the couple of times I did at family parties) i instantly felt nauseous and hated myself so I stopped.

You can say I have a grudge towards my family because when it first happened they’d get mad at me for kicking him out of my parties..

Now for my mom, she brings him up and it opens old wounds. We have a horrible relationship and she wonders why. I hate her and I’m so disappointed with her being my mother. We visited my aunts and he was there and my son was talking to him (he’s 4) Everyone’s similing and laughing, I called him and we left.. She’d literally make comments why don’t I let my son sleep over his cousins house (my cousins little brother) when people are over she’s talking about my abuser. “How is he, what’s he up too” we had his brother over this past weekend and my mom kept asking him about his brother and I just got so angry.

Leads me to believe... no one believed me. No one does till this day and I hate all of them:

I want to start therapy just so I can get rid of this anger..

How do I find out what my insurance covers? Thank you

& any suggestions on things that can help