Rant about everything

I hate myself so much I honestly wish sometimes I wasn’t me I wish I could just start over as someone else. I feel like everyone in my life hates me like my brother he hasn’t spoken or even looked at me in more than 10 years and we still live in the same house together I don’t even know what I did wrong. I feel like my mom and my dad hates me because I can’t do anything like how I keep failing school and I can’t get in my stupid head how important it is or how I don’t do stuff around the house. I know they need help I don’t know why I can’t get my lazy ass out of bed I’m just so tired constantly for no reason and I try to get up I do it’s just not good enough. I feel like friends don’t even like me around they never even talk to me and when they do it’s just a bunch of hurtful comments that I just have to laugh off like it’s nothing. And it’s not like I can just make new friends I can’t I’m horrible at making new friends I’m just horrible in any social situation I either make everyone uncomfortable because I’m too awkward and shy to say anything or I say the wrong thing and it’s just awkward. I’m trying so hard I really am but I just don’t know how I have no idea. I hate the fact that I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without only seeing everything I hate about myself. I hate the fact that I’m so insecure that I only constantly think my boyfriend is gonna leave me even though he shows me so much love and I know he’s trying so hard. But it’s just the little comments that he makes that just make me think so often and I know he’s joking but god do they hurt and I’ve told him how much I hate it and he doesn’t stop he just tells me it’s apart of his personality which is fine and I know I just need to get over it and toughen up but it’s so hard when it’s constantly thrown at your face. I just hate myself and I just wanna start over and have a better life and a better mindset I’m sorry I know this is long