Do you have to tell both sides of the family at the same time?

Question

My husband and I are very close with my family but have struggles with his. His family has consistently overstepped and inserted themselves into our lives. They have been very hurtful and judgemental about things in the past and it is something we’ve struggled with our entire relationship. Neither of us want to tell his family until we are 12 weeks but I cannot go that long without telling mine. Is it inappropriate to tell one family much sooner than the other? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I don’t want to feel like I have to lie in case they ever ask us when I told my family. Help!

Answer

ehh we kinda just told either of our families when we were ready separately. i told my parents around 13wks because i needed to know some genetic information. he waited to tell his parents until i was 26ish wks, he wanted to get everything ready before we told them because he didn’t want them to worry about anything.

Answer

Up to you. First baby we told them at 13weeks at our 1yr anniversary BBQ. I had no symptoms, it was an easy pregnancy . This second baby is kicking my butt so I told my family earlier since I wanted to talk about and get support from my mum and sister about nausea, diarrhoea etc. So we told the inlaws later-on. 
Does your partner have a problem with you telling your family earlier?

Answer

Not at all! You do what works for you!
I had a BIG falling out with my family after one of my brothers physically assaulted me at Christmas because he was verbally abusing my mother and I told him his behaviour was unacceptable, and wouldn’t do as I was told and “shut the fuck up” when I calmly and respectfully stood up to him. He then flew into a rage, pulled down the Christmas tree, threw his mobile phone at me so hard that it broke when it hit my face, then came into the kitchen and stood over me screaming that he fucking hated me, and then tried to pull the fridge over on top of me before storming out.
My whole family (including my mother, whom I was defending), then said it was my fault for standing up to him, and that I should have just let him do what they have always done his whole life and let him rant as he would have eventually ‘calmed down’. They blame me for ‘ruining Christmas’, and perceive that I just ‘wanted to be right’ (as opposed to the fact that violence or abuse at any time for any reason is unacceptable).
Needless to say - I haven’t since spoken to nor told ANY of my family, despite the fact that this is our sixth and only successful pregnancy thus far in almost a decade, and we are currently 16+4.
Also - my Mum has always had a big mouth and you cannot tell her anything with the hopes that she would keep it to herself - even if expressly directed to do so. She told two of my brothers and her own siblings about my previous miscarriages after being explicitly told not to, and after this I just got sympathetic side glances and pats on the hand at family events, with platitudes such as “don’t worry, you’ll try again”. To this day, she denies telling anyone - despite the fact that she was the only other person who knew. 
On the other hand, we told my husbands’ family as soon as we received our NIPT results back. They have been nothing but kind, supportive and respectful of our wishes 🤷‍♀️
For now, we’ve decided that we are only ready to share our news with those who support us, and that we trust. 
I never in a million years thought we would be in this position; I expected that if there was ever the possibility of us having a successful pregnancy, that my family would be celebrating right along with me. Sometimes life is complicated, and you have to do what is right for you at the time.

Answer

No you don't. I told my family (mum, sister and step dad) as soon as I knew at around 4 weeks. My husband however wanted to wait a little longer to tell his mum and dad. We ended up telling them at 8 weeks which was still earlier than he wanted. Tell when and who you want to tell, when you feel comfortable

Answer

You don't "have to" do anything in life. What you do, and when, is up to you. 
I told my mom the day I found out, because I want her prayers and support no matter what happens. I think daddy will take more time to tell his mom, he definitely hasn't yet (6 weeks) nor do I think he told her at all about our two previous losses.
Everyone has their own choices to make about how to interact with their families! There's no "right" answer.

Answer

We have told my family around 12 weeks both times and my husbands family around 14ish weeks. The main reason was just timing to see them either in person or FaceTime, but I preferred it that way.

Do you have to tell both sides of the family at the same time?

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