Please no hate comments or remarks because I’m already ashamed of what I enjoy sexually but I’m wondering if it’s really just me?

When I was younger there was a boy that would touch me and his cousin when we were sleeping. He would do whatever he wanted with us (touching, licking, the whole enchilada) well when I think about it, yes it’s messed up but I still get aroused by the thought of being touched while sleeping… I don’t understand it and it’s hard to explain plus I’ve had a lot of issues growing up like how my older sister and I would experiment on each other when we were as young as 3 with sexual activities we had seen (from porn or my mother). Just want to know if there’s anyone else out there that’s into this kinda thing or if I really am just that messed up and need help.