Do you have the one “What if” person that you still hold something for?

A lot of people do! It’s that people we think of what if I didn’t walk that way. What if I got the train home that night. What if they didn’t get that promotion. All those what if people.

I had that “what if” person subconsciously come to me on and off in my dreams and thoughts for nearly 11 years!! He was a work mate that I had a little thing for. He was this kind guy who went out of his way to walk me home from work to make sure I got home save. We’d have deep and meaningful conversation on our walks home. Our walk brought us through some ruff parts of the city and I’d hold onto his arm because I was scared. He was 6ft plus built guy and I felt safe. He was the only guy that gave me butterfly’s and made my tummy do that crazy spiny thing.

But I never acted on my feeling until a night out and drink was involved. We shared a kiss or 2 but nothing more came of it. I don’t know was it because we didn’t want work to get messy? But he still kept walked me home when we finished the late shift till I met my boyfriend.

Then things fizzed out as I guess he didn’t want to step of my boyfriends toes. Then I moved to the other side of the world where I have been for the last 12 years. When times are rocky my “what if” guys comes to me and I’m like what does this mean. I’ve not spoken to the person in so long.

At the beginning of 2020 this “what if” person would not get out of my head. I didn’t have them on socials at all so it’s not as they popped up on my feed. So I was like I need them out of my head. I need to know if they left the same way I did and I am not going to lie when I got that message back saying “no it was just like a work think” I was jumping for joy. I could finally close that door. Bye! Lock the door and throw away the key.

Fast forward to mid March 2021 after not having one dream or though about my “what if” guy, sadly one of our ex work mates passed away and I seen his Facebook post on our friends tribute to our mate who had passed. Just by seeing his name and photo my tummy did that crazy thing. I just want the “what if” feelings to stop and go away! He is not interested in me! He lives on the other side of the world.

How do I get theses feelings to go away??