Does this make sense?

So to help me find my inner peace and move on with my life ive been doing a lot of thinking, sometimes breaking down in tears and other times feeling stronger. Im quite up and down at the moment but that’s to be expected after coming out of a long toxic relationship. He treated me like shit for so many years, even during my pregnancy. I was no saint though and gave as good back. When it was good it was really good, but that’s the cycle of toxic relationships i guess! So anyway....after 8 years he ended it. I know I’ll be fine and life goes on, and the things he did and said to me throughout our relationship I’d never in a million years tolerate from anyone else, he just broke me down over the years i guess and left me obsessed with him! But in my thinking im wondering if the deep love i feel for him is real, or if it’s just because he was the one that ended it so im left feeling rejected after all i put up with? Im not trying to go over the ‘what ifs’ because its done, but in order for me to move forward im trying to understand what I actually feel if that makes sense?