I got laid off from my job in February of this year and was told I could resume work in September. It was partly a relief because that job sucked out my soul and didn't pay enough to get by. My oldest is starting school this fall so working second shift is not my best option for spending time with him once school starts anyway. So that leaves 1st or 3rd. I've been on unemployment due to being laid off while finishing up school and searching for a job that can work with my childcare needs. Anyways, I got a good job that I just graduated college for at a medical center working 6am-230pm I'm supposed to start in two weeks. The starting pay is decent and I'll have health insurance, PTO, weekends off and be able to pay bills. My husband works 8a-5pm. The only issue is putting my kids 1 & 4 (almost 5) in daycare. I've worked 2nd shift for years while my husband worked 1st shift to be with them as much as possible and keep them out of childcare. My December baby isn't even 18 months yet. My heart hurts at the thought of leaving him there for 7-8 hours a day x5 a week. He's still breastfed on demand. I don't feel like I have a lot of options, but yet I still want to abandon ship and hold out for some back-breaking 3rd shift job that may never come and would leave me too tired to parent during the day as well as I normally would. I don't know what to do. I just want to be with my babies 24/7 and know they're safe and taken care of even if that means enduring the shittiest job out there. I certainly don't want to miss out on 40+ hours a week with them and having them spend that with strangers while they're so small. I also kinda don't want to miss out on this job and the specific shift hours because they will be perfect once both kids are in school. My husband is able to drop them off and I'm able get off early enough to pick them up, spend time with them, fix dinner, give baths, etc. Their grandmother works from home next to us so we thought maybe somehow she could work from our home and keep an eye on them. She also retires next year so big maybe that we can figure out her watching them then. I'm panicking and just don't know what to do. It feels like I lose either way. I know this is the struggle of every parent out there but I can't help being incredibly sad and feel like there's some option I'm overlooking or another way to go about it or maybe I should toughen up and accept that it's life and I'll just have miss out on precious time with my angel when he needs his mother most. Kind advice or encouragement please.