something i learned very early on is that me and my mom will never get a long. once again i let myself get into all of her shit. it started about a year ago when SHE decided to come back to mexico and took me with her. i being obedient went along for the trip, many odd occurrences happened that didn’t make sense to me, she said something about visiting a clinic and all this stuff. eventually she disappeared for a day while i stayed at my grandmas (now in mexico). a day later she came back. my mom had decided to get a bbl and liposuction on her face. now i am all about women supporting women but whenever i am dragged into something without even being told so, of course i will be mad. now i know what everyone will say, why are you so upset? think about it like this, i was prepared for a VACATION and wanted to enjoy my time with family. i ended up being stuck with my bedridden mother who couldn’t do anything herself. i of course protested against her action and did not help her with anything and i made it very clear that i did not sign up for this. and there i was, i did not get to explore mexico or even enjoy my trip. my mother then continued to lie about her diet saying she always ate well and took care of her body (exercise). my blood boils every single time, and i know what you might say. “oh you are simply jealous”. no i think her body looks awful, i just want my mom back. overtime this facade began to die down and my mom began to eat like shit. she promised the surgeon that she wouldn’t come back and that she would maintain her appearance. hah what a load of shit. the weight caught up to her and she didn’t look like how she did months ago. i myself wanted a fresh start this year so i began to loose weight and was 25 pounds lower then when i started. my mother caught on, she began to make lies and remarks of my success saying that i starve myself and never eat. she spread rumors amongst my family and doesn’t believe me. once again we were going to mexico (im in mexico rn). i was promised to be able to see the city and toured by my uncle. when we first got here i suspected nothing else until all these signals came back up. while i agreed to come of course i was hesitant since of the last time i had come yet agreed since i wanted to give my relationship with mexico another chance. the first thing my mother had said was “you uncle will not be able to take you around, you know cause of covid”. enraged i looked at her in disbelief yet kept to myself. i bottled my feelings and thoughts until i snapped, i connected the dots. my sibling had informed me that this time my mom was doing liposuction again and a tummy tuck. one morning before she would disappear i spoke to her. the situation of my mental state and being in a new environment had made it impossible to sleep so of course she said something about how i didn’t sleep all night and was up in the morning. i told her how i felt about being in mexico overwhelmed by many things, the two days i had been here had been just me being around two kids and a baby which made it hard for me to not be stable. while it’s cruel, kids are very annoying. in fact the sleeping issue had gotten so bad that i have been over dosing the amount melatonin i truly need to the point of it not effecting me anymore. in that moment of telling my mother i broke down in tears. i told her i didn’t want to be here if i was going to be indoors, eating poorly (i am scared of weight gain), being a sitter and not being comfortable where i am staying. i went on about how i didn’t like the surgeries and having to be here to see her in this state. i wanted to leave. my mother did not take it well. she began with telling me that i am stuck her and that i will have to suck it up. of course all she cared about was money, i offered my father help me since that is my only other option and she didn’t like that either since they are divorced. she went on speaking badly of him, while he isn’t perfect it also isn’t what she says it is. the argument made her take my phone so i couldn’t contact him or anybody else yet i had already texted him that night about how i couldn’t be here any longer. my mom ran off with my phone and i didn’t see her that entire day. i cried until i slept around 9-10am and the rest of the day was a blur, i couldn’t function and was bedridden by depression. she came back the next day and i saw her in the afternoon. she had gotten liposuction on her face and a tummy tuck. i glared at her. the first thing she had mentioned was that my father bitched to her again as well as my sister. she returned my phone and i began to contact then back. my father doesn’t know about the surgeries since it’s really not his business but he knew about everything else, how we really aren’t here for a vacation but trapped. they are still discussing my return but i doubt it will happen because of money. me and my mom still don’t get along. i don’t care i will never help her, she decided to get the surgeries and that shouldn’t be my responsibility. we continue to argue about who will take care of me since I’m a minor and her pure neglect was enough for me to counter her remarks. i just wish one of my parents was good enough for me to be with but they are both broken. i will not support her any longer and will remember how she treats me. my family here has seen me as rude because of me wanting to leave. they dont know how my mom treats me they only know what she tells them. she has made it seem like she’s some type of hero for doing the bare minimum. i understand how it looks for me wanting to leave while on vacation but can you blame me? how am i suppose to keep a smile on my face whenever i didn’t sign up for this? she’s made my family think im some disrespectful anorexic sick teen that doesn’t know what they want. their remarks only make me angrier and feel worse. it’s now 7am and i am still awake. i need help and i need to go home. ive already attempted to od on melatonin not caring about how much will harm me I just want my mind to shut up and stop so i can rest. i am worried now what if i am really the bad guy. what if i am the problem?