He Doesn't See His Child

But his wife wants to.

My daughter's father hasn't ever shown up to a visit and only calls on her birthday. She's now 4. Every phone call or video chat that they had after that was due to me initiating it. He and I have usually always gotten along but he fails to show up and be consistent in seeing his daughter.

He and his family have also included my oldest daughter, who is 6, as part of their family. They refuse to exclude her.

I haven't spoken to his wife in 2 years because my last attempt (May 2019) to have a discussion with her, she told me that I wasn't putting my child first, I needed to do better, I act like a child and, etc. My mind was blown because none of those things are true. Well, I found out yesterday that he doesn't tell her when he talks to the kids or scheduled a visit but decided not to show up. He doesn't tell her that we briefly talk to schedule the visits. So it made sense why she said what she said to me 2 years ago but that's neither here nor there at this point.

She reached out yesterday telling me that it won't be his fault if my older daughter fails at life because that's not his child and she feels he needs to stop being there for her. She asked me when can they pick up my youngest daughter for a visit, and from now on I need to schedule things with her and not him.

While I'll assume she may have had the best of intentions, I refuse to allow anyone to talk down to me or any type of way. When I in turn I said that they needed to build the rapport with my daughter, she became upset and said that the supervised visits should be over with, but he never followed through on the supervised visits, or any visits for that matter.

She thinks that I still have feelings for him WHEN I DON'T. So she's blaming his lack of showing up on me. When in fact it isn't true. Until yesterday, she had no clue about his failure to show up or his scheduling visits at all. She spoke out of place and attacked me based on his lies.

After hanging up she started texting me and telling me that she could go there with me if she wanted to but she won't...I'm assuming argue with me or start some drama. I politely told her that I am not sure what moved her to contact me in the first place and that I am always willing to have a discussion about my children but not like this and due to her behavior, not with her. I let her know that she cannot call me and demand I drop my daughter of to them when they don't have a relationship with her. She hasn't reached out neither has he. This call was very random and rude.

Any advice?

It's been 4 years and I've tried sitting down with her. Same outcome. Waited 2 years and tried again, same outcome. Now again another 2 years later, SAME OUTCOME.

I don't know what else to do.