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I feel like she is taking advantage it’s not your job to pay for her especially having your own children. Plus if she is in too much pain to be a cna and take care of people wouldn’t she also be in too much pain to take care of your kids? I wouldn’t feel like my kids were safe with her if the pain is so bad it’s stopping her from working.
Am i being used?
ran this by my friends and they think I am. One said I need to put my kids and I first the other says I'm making a huge sacrifice and wants me to make a decision I can live with and hopes that I understand what I'm doing. So my mom has arthritis pretty bad and she was in an accident not to long ago, a company car hit her, and it just aggrevated it. Now it's really hard for her to work and she's alot of pain. Her settlement which will be large isnt coming as fast as she thought and my mom's line of work as a CNA is very taxing on her body even more so as she's in her 50's.
Now I made a deal with my mom, bc as her daughter I can't stand to see her like that, that I'll pay everything (bills) or as much as my check will cover and she won't have to work. Just watch my kids and I'm okay. in my mind,heart and soul I feel alot of peace about this bc my mom has done a lot for the family and I see it as paying my mom back. My friend argues that Im getting scammed bc I've had a history of giving my mom money and lots of it. When I was in college, Id give her half my refund to help her and the family, gave my mom 25k my grandmother left me I wa sso young i didn't fully understand the gravity of what i was doing-there's more instances but it would take up the whole post and no I don't get paid back.
I just feel this situation is different. My mom , her body is giving out and she needs me. so I don't mind.I also needed some help from my father and my brother but my dad pockets his money and isn't much help so I know I can't depend on him but my brother is only giving 500 a month bc the rest go to tithes. it bothers me bc I know I'll need help and I need my dad and bro to meet me in the middle. I did want to move out with my kids and I but I feel it's just for a shor time Im doing this hopefully. For my mom, I'll do it.
Now do you think I'm being used?
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TL; DR: Mom struggles with arthritis. Its hard for her to work. I'm going to take over paying rent and all utilties ( I don't think Id have much left for myself). Is this wrong
***EDIT--
@ JACKIE- yes ill be struggling financially if i do this. I wont have a savings at all.
And yes theyre still married .
** yes i know this may br financial abuse and yes i did offer ill re do the budget and just swing the rent only. Its just my moms body hurts really bad and i just idk i want to help her. I dont want her to end up in a wheel chair. But i do need to put my kids first. Its just when i have tried to put us 1st my mom would always say well u have to take over your car note and insurance and just make it harder for me to leave.
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I’d say if financially you could take this on then sure go for it but if you’re struggling because of it? No you need to put your kids first. Surely there has to be something she can do just to make something to get by. Or maybe disability or something. But put you in financial distress is not the right plan.
Parents can financially abuse there children, it’s real and it’s sad. Don’t make you and your children’s lives harder for someone who wouldn’t do it for you. If it’s just her she moves in and sleeps on the couch and you don’t pay anything extra, and that should be your only offer 🤷♀️ if she can’t afford her place she needs to get rid of it
I don’t think you are being used. It sounds to me that you are choosing to give her your money, which is fine to want to take care of your mom. But if it’s taking away from your children to where you are struggling to pay your own bills and provide for your children, then you really should rethink how much you are giving to her. You do need to put your kids first. But if you have plenty for your children and bills than you can do whatever you want with your money. But from what you described it sounds like your mom isn’t asking you for it, you are giving it to her out of your own free will, then you are not being used. I don’t know why your friend thinks that. Again though, if you’re struggling and you are tight and you are struggling to provide for your kids and bills then you need to give your mom less because your kids are your number one priority.
Pr
I read again you are struggling so yes you need to give less and save more for you and your children. Does your dad work?
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