I hate my toxic abusive ex so much! Backstory (this may be long so i do apologise)…..

We were together for 7 years and have a 2 year old daughter. I also have a 10 year old son from a previous relationship and my ex was in his life from the age of 2. During our relationship he was physically abusive a few times, spat in my face, ripped clothes from my body, amongst other things. He would call me names daily and at one point it got to the stage that i thought being dead sounded more appealing than being alive. Looking back now i know i was so stupid for allowing all that to happen to me, when we first met i was outgoing, confident, had a good social life etc. Now I’m a shell of who i used to be and I have no confidence in my self whatsoever. After being called so many names for so long you start to believe them and you end up hating yourself. Anyway, we lived in a rented house which was newly built and it was a lovely home. Only my name was on the lease, my security if you like. When i fell pregnant he decided to buy us a family home instead of us renting. I was 50/50 on giving up my home to move into his house but i wanted the family life and he reassured me so many times that it would be our home etc. So i moved, after the baby was born he changed into even more of a dick that he already was. He would kick us out any little argument we had, and always throw in my face that it was HIS house. Me being stupid always went back every time he kicked me out. I know i should have just left and never looked back, and i wish i did. But he had me in that place of me thinking id never make it on my own and I’m not good enough for anyone else. So i stayed. One of the times he kicked me out was 2 days after my father died, i had never felt so alone in all my life! I needed him the most and he discarded me like i was shit on his shoe. But still i went back. I could honestly slap myself for how stupid i feel going back to that all the time, even though nothing ever happened in front of the kids they were bound to see me upset, or even sense something wasn’t right. But my main concern was making sure they were as happy as I could possible make them, even when we were kicked out id downplay it and make it look like we were just visiting family for a bit.

My ex hated my sons father and would always talk about him calling him a shit dad because he has my son every other weekend (he also pays me child support-and gives more than he should every month), the arrangement works fine for us and thats how its always been. We actually get on quite well (my ex is probably jealous and thats why he hates him). So this takes me to now….

A few months ago my ex decided it was over for good. His reason being that the relationship was bad. Damn right it was bad! It was also toxic and extremely abusive in every way possible! But because i was an idiot i had stayed every time because I believed in family and was willing to always work it out. But, he didn’t want the family life anymore it seemed. To me it just felt like i was his supply for his narcissistic ways because he blamed me for everything that went wrong. Would never in a million years admit any wrongdoing on his part. It was always ‘you made me do it’ or ‘you’re mental, that didn’t happen’. Once he had got bored with having me as a supply he wanted to move on and have the single lifestyle while looking for a new supply. Even his own mother said he’s hard work and will never change! So on the secret id saved up and found a house and finally left for good, and took my kids. That was 2 months ago, i can already see the difference in my kids, especially my son! He’s the man of the house now and he takes his role seriously love him 💙😂.

In the beginning my ex said he wanted our daughter every single weekend. Fine by me because i could have a break and he could spend quality time with her because he didn’t do a lot when we lived together. We also discussed child support and worked out the legal amount i was entitled to, it seemed a lot for him to pay so i suggested he pay just half because he would be feeding her on weekends etc, trying to make things easier for him even though he’s pretty well off money wise. So today, he brings her home, and says how he needs to have a life and only wants her every other weekend (remember he slagged off my sons father for the exact same thing 🤣) i said its fine by me because i knew this would happen anyway so i was expecting it. The arrangement works good for me because now i can plan fun weekends with my kids and make lovely family memories instead of shit ones. When i said i was expecting it, he said “so you expect me to have her every single weekend” 😂 omfg! I was like i have her 24/7 but yeah whatever! I suppose he needs his weekend off to go on the hunt for a new supply 👀 first of all i didn’t decide what and when he would have her. He did, so no i didn’t expect you to have her every weekend, it was YOUR decision! And i said (which is probably petty of me) no thats fine, if you want to have the same arrangement that (my sons dad) has then thats cool with me. Obviously hit a nerve because he didn’t like that i said that. But I’ve gone past caring at this point because I’ve put up with too much. He then goes on to say how i don’t deserve a break because i don’t work and he does. Before i got pregnant i had a job, it was his idea for me to give up work and be a sahm, after the baby was born every time I mentioned going back to work he would put me off the idea. So when he threw that in my face it really pissed me off, because once again he was belittling me and making out he was better, even though i don’t work i bring his daughter up using the shit child support he gives me, and I’m studying full time to get my degree!! So i kick him out of MY house (felt so good!) and i said you got what you want, see you in 2 weeks! He wasn’t happy 🤣 i then messaged him basically saying what i felt about the whole situation and how he’s changed so much he’s not the person i though he was bla bla. Waited until he was typing back and BLOCKED him. I know its childish and petty but it made me feel good. And I’m contacting child support and going for the full amount that I’m entitled to. I have 2 extra weekends to feed and entertain my baby now so ill need all the money i can get. Does that make me unreasonable?

Thank you if you read to the end, it was super long! I didn’t intend to go on an on and theres so much more i could say lol. But thats enough for one day 🤣