My husband and I have been TTC for four years. Four YEARS.

Our doctor isn't prepared to do anything more for us until we undergo exploratory surgery. All that we've done so far is three months on Clomid, a ton of blood tests, several sperm tests, tracking a natural cycle and going a post- coital exam. My husband has good sperm count and motility and everything, but at the post- coital exam his sperm was dead. My doctor wants us to spend a small fortune on the surgery and I haven't agreed to it as yet as I don't 100% know if it's worth the money or not.

Anyway, obviously we've had our fair share of pregnancy announcements over the years... some have been kinda just blah, some have been difficult, some have sent me into a depression and others I haven't really cared about.

But today my husband told me a girl I used to be friends with, a girl that stopped being friends with me because her and her bitchy friends turned against me out of jealousy (I was considered the cool girlfriend back then, one of the stupid boyfriends said in front of everyone that he wishes his girlfriend was as cool as me, they were always asking MY boyfriend who dressed better that day, me or them, etc). I mean the other two moved on, have had their own kids, but that was before my husband and I started TTC so I didn't care.

But the last chick... we went crazy. She would drive slowly past our house and talk about anything she saw... even if it was as mundane as our dogs were outside. She would park nearby our house and just report to the people we all used to work with if say someone came in or to the gate or something... she lied about a lot of things at our old work to make me look bad... anyway. She seemed to have moved on and I haven't seen nor heard anything of them for like four years, five years now.

My husband sent me a message this morning that she is pregnant and I don't know. This one just hit me really hard for some reason. This one is a tough pill to swallow... I don't know why. These are people from my past, it shouldn't bother me so much... but it does.

Why?