I haven’t been in an office job since 2018 and on Monday is my first day and the past two days I’ve been having anxiety dreams. I’m late, can’t find the room, was early but then became super late due to forgetting something, etc etc. In my actual day tho I’ve been feeling very self conscious. In 2018 I was a bit self conscious about my weight but the environment was more laid back like employees were younger aka my age. I keep feeling ugly and what if people reject me or think I’m ugly. What if my supervisor (who hasn’t seen me all interviews was through phone) sees me and thinks I’m not right for the job or that I’m absolutely hideous or huge. What if I show up early and grab a seat and no one wants to sit by me cause they think I’m ugly or fat. What if I’m really out going and no one wants to be my friend. I’m only in office for 2 days before we transition to home for idk how long. So I guess it won’t really matter anyways. I used to weigh 130 and looked super skinny cause before I was 170 and had an ED. Thyroid went hypo and untreated so I now weigh 250 and have been on a good level for about a year. Before I gained the weight, I was in a relationship so I never felt huge or ugly cause I already had a man. I wasn’t happy in the relationship and we split a year ago and now I feel so unwanted. I nourish my body and not consistently workout besides walking and a lot of my inner talk has been what my mom always told me growing up. Especially when starting school she would always name the negative or tell me people won’t like me because of my weight. I do notice people treat me differently when I’m not wearing makeup and people treat me differently than they did when I was 130 and starving myself. I tried telling my mom that I’m anxious people won’t like me and she’s like you’ll just have to get over it. Like thanks, I feel so much better and now all my insecurities and worries have gone away. Such wise words (sarcasm)