I’m being blamed for my mother’s depression and anxiety!

I’m sorry this is long but I feel alone and everyone against me, 2 of my siblings blame me for my mother’s depression and anxiety because I haven’t put my past behind me and forgive her, because I still hold some resentment against her.

When I was young around 8 years old my fathers brother sexually abused me and my sister who was 5 years old at the time, we told my mom and dad about it they didn’t really take us serious and we never mentioned it again until we were much older. My mother in the other hand bought a lot of men to the house, men she was having affairs with while my father was at work and one of those men was the man that abused me and my sister. She was in love with him and obsessed that it was creepy.

My whole life I suffered from anxiety on and off I never saw a therapist for it until I got postpartum depression when my son was 6 months, it all started with a flashback memory I had about my childhood that made me realize I was molested more than once and even when I was younger than 8 😥 it actually triggered intrusive thoughts and severe anxiety. My siblings have known that I’ve always held some sort of resentment towards my mother because she has never sat down with me and talked about what happened to me or at least said sorry but she expects everything from me.

She always throws in my face how my other siblings care about her alot and buy her things (she’s not an easy women to please, she likes expensive stuff) well recently she got very sick she ended in intensive care for a week and from that she started getting depressed and having anxiety, she called me one day saying (I’m going for a walk tomorrow and I’m not sure if I will ever go back home, I’m just letting you know) so I immediately called my brothers and sister about it and 2 of them who live with my mom said she has done this for attention. She’s lied about her health to get attention from us.

Then my other brother said it’s all my fault because she knows I haven’t left the past behind me and I haven’t forgiven her, my sister who was also sexually abused agreed with him. Mind you they know I’m not doing good as well with PPD and my anxiety like one of the reasons I suffer from anxiety is because of being abused and having to deal with my mother who was never a good mom to me.

they’re also making me feel guilty because I’m planning to move out of state to buy a house and he tries to talk me out of it only because my mother doesn’t want me to leave.. my brother is actually very toxic also just like my mother. There’s time I’ve stopped talking to him and my mom because they’re so toxic that I don’t need that energy around me specially not how my mental health is. My mother would put me and my siblings against each other and that’s whole other story.. I just can’t anymore with them I’m also pregnant again and this is just not helping me