Sorry long post:

So long story short June 23rd I had my son at 37 weeks 1 day after an induction due to sever preeclampsia and sever anemia. After my placenta was removed I hemorrhaged pretty badly, to the point where I lost consciousness for a moment and felt like I was going to actually die. I had to get a blood transfusion the following day. Then the 25th when I was going to get discharged, my blood pressure spikes to almost stroke levels and then my O2 levels dropped below 90. Chest X-ray was ordered, fluid built up in my lungs. Cardiologist was called in for my BP. He wanted some sort of IV drip administered, which required me to be moved out of L&D. My son was discharged to my husband and I was moved to a different room in the hospital where babies we’re not allowed at all. Hormones went rampant and my first night away from my newborn son was spent sobbing. I also had my supply come in while I was in the new room. They ordered an echo, after that they discovered fluid around my heart. They wanted me to stay in the hospital until I had a full night of no spikes in my BP. Luckily they moved me back to L&D for my last night so my husband could bring my son back. A lactation consultant came to see me before I got discharged, and told me there was a 50/50 chance that I would have a very minimal supply and that I needed to pump every 2 hours to manipulate my supply, tried, didn’t work. My son was fed formula from almost the start because I had nothing. So he is so use to bottles, and his lack of latching just makes me feel bad. I’m at the point now where I kind of just wanna give up pumping all together cause I barely get any out anyway. Is that bad? Like does that make me shitty? Our pediatrician pushes breast is best, but I feel like after everything I went through, I should be avoiding things that makes me feel bad as a mom.. idk it’s kind of got me feeling down slightly.

Disclaimer: My midwife said the likelihood of ALL of this happening is not common, so for any FTMs or nervous mamas waiting to deliver, please don’t read my story and get nervous.