I am having a really rough time right now in my marriage. Mentally and emotionally I am injured! I’m crying on the bathroom floor right now as the shower runs. I’m so upset I feel like I’m gonna throw up. My husband pretty much told me last night that he isn’t interested in being romantic with or for me and that I’m asking for too much. He says he was never ready for marriage. I cried myself to sleep silently except I couldn’t fall asleep so I stayed up till this morning and went to the couch and took a nap. Then came back to bed b4 he woke up. This morning he gets up b4 me and I catch him masturbating to porn in my home office. We talked about this before marriage and have only been married for 3 months! When I asked what was on his phone he refused to show me but in the past he has gone thru my phone at night AND my journals and diaries and used stuff that I wrote in private over my head including my struggle with suicidal ideation when I was a kid (yes, he even went into old writings I didn’t know I still had! I’m 26 now) And he crosses my boundaries multiple times but when I just asked for his phone he got so defensive but eventually said it was porn. I’m soooo hurt. I feel like I’m not good enough. I wonder how long it’s been going on? I get dressed up in lingerie, I pleasure him, I try so damn hard!!! But he YELLS at me and is irritated by me then turns around the next moment and is playful like nothing happened and then he’ll snap out of nowhere. I’m so hurt it’s all too much! He said he called the pastor for us to meet with him 3 weeks ago but now I’m starting to think he didn’t even reach out. He claimed he never heard back from the pastor 🤨. So I was being patient. But what if he didn’t call at all? Because for whatever reason, he uses pastoral counseling as a threat during arguments when in actuality id love that and I think we need it. I can’t keep pouring into this relationship while all he brings is money. I need a hug. And I need to get off the floor and shower. And I need coffee because I have to go into work on 2hrs of sleep and 10 hours of heartbreak 💔.