i just need to vent. this is a clip from my notes. i started writing down my thoughts when they get built up.

“her.

i had a dream she was still alive. i heard her voice. i hugged her. i looked at her face and it felt real. why the fuck did this have to happen?

it hurts.

i miss you.

come back.

/

i had another dream the other night. i touched her face. i wanna touch her. i wanna feel her soft skin. i wanna hug her. she went through hell every single day of her life. and she still had love to give. i was one of them. i’m not blood. but i was one of them. she showed me love. she showed me what a real mother is like. and it was taken away. it’s gone. i loved her. why was she taken away? i know why. people are cruel. they will do anything to get what they want. and then ruin others’ lives in the process. i want her back. everything feels so empty. she never had a filter. she said what was on her mind. and now it feels like the whole world has a filter. i don’t like filters. she didn’t like them. i don’t like them.

/“