Would I do it all again?

Would I do it all again? The dating, marriage, the TTC for 6 years, the PhD?

No to all of it, I would not marry him again. This would mean we would not TTC for 6 years and maybe I would not get a PHD and maybe I would be doing something else. Maybe his life would be what he wants and maybe mine would be too. Maybe I would have more adventurous and fun everyday. Maybe I would not be worried about money and his temper. Maybe I would have children by now and some average job but happy with a doting husband and beautiful children. Instead of a husband with no job and emotional and anxiety issues who has a temper. Maybe I would have a husband who hunts, fishes, and dances and we would have 3 kids who he teaches all that too and he goes to work and laughs with me. Who does not get mad so easy at things that are not "perfect". All I do now is wait and try for a miracle and hope that is when he changes, but I think I'll be waiting forever. So, no! I would not do it all again. I feel my heart is breaking and my life is over and I am waiting for a future I don't want. This makes me cry just typing this out and nobody knows.