I wanted to give hope to someone who is TTC and it seems that it just isnt happening. Those that cry every month when they see the first sight of blood, the ones who cringe inside when someone you know says " im pregnant " and all those people in between.

When i was 18 i decided i want to be a mother. * dumb i know * so I started trying. Actively trying. By 20 i was still childless but i could tell you things no other 20 year old would know about cervix and mucas and ovulation. I had done so much research but still... childless. By 23 i talked my then boyfriend of 5 years into going to a specialist. We both went, he was fine, i was fine. Nothing was wrong. At 23 i was diganosed with unexplained infertility * anyone Actively trying for a year with no medical issues * at 24 i was single and childless bc the man I was with wanted kids and i obviously couldn't give him a family and he wanted one so bad.... so we split after 6 years... we remained friends.

I met my now husband when i was 24. We started dating he had 2 kids and knew I wanted one but he was fine if it never happened and i wouldnt feel guilty bc he had 2. We clicked immediately. When i turned 25 i had my first miscarriage. 2 days before my 26 birthday i told my husband i was done trying, that i couldnt take it anymore. i took a test on my birthday, bc i apparently loved breaking my own heart * just like every other start of my cycle.

But it was positive. I now have a 7 month old with my now husband. A gift, a miracle, something i had wanted, finally i was no longer childless. But why? The doctors said it was a miracle for someone to Actively try for 8 years and nothing. But she said to not get my hopes up for another one. Well im pregnant again at 27.

I didnt have unexplained infertility, i had delayed fertility. So after 8 years of a broken heart, praying in the shower holding my womb , begging God to fix whatever was broken inside me, begging for him to help me. I was broken, useless bc i was raised being told that i would be a mother one day, i was raised believeing women were created to have children. I was a broken woman i couldn't do the one thing i was told I should by society. But my body wasnt ready. By no means am i saying * you will have a baby one day... but there is hope, coming from the woman in the bathroom stall crying beside you, coming from the woman that was so angry at my little sister for * accidentally getting pregnant, i did it. I finally have mine. So dont give up hope.

Try and try again. I never thought i would i was sure i would be childless for the rest of my life.

* signed

The woman who cried every month for 8 years.