He triggered tf out of me

TW TW Okay... imagine you’re completely inlove with someone and he’s inlove with you too. You’ve already talked about being more gentle during sex because he’s 6,4 and Well endowed and you’re not even 4’11 and trying not to die.

He’s into extremely rough sex.

I said I would like to ease into the rough stuff because I have an abusive past and it triggers me. I DID agree to give it a try but slowly.

He did not ease into it today, he yanked me up by the neck of my hoodie and wrapped his other hand around my throat and kissed me and then threw me on the bed.

Then there’s me and my traumatized brain from being brutally beaten on as a kid. I was beaten so bad that i thought i was going to die so many times. I can’t even get any words out of my mouth at this point. I start seeing tunnel vision and I feel like I’ve stopped breathing. Everything is silent. My brain is in survival mode and I hit his hands away which weren’t even anywhere close to coming towards me and slid out from underneath and between his legs and curled up in a ball in the corner of the room with my hands on my head and facing the wall, just like I used to do as a child when I was being beaten. Even though that was NOT what was happening at all. He was not being mean, he was just trying to do some rough kinky stuff and my brain freaked out. He said my eyes got huge and he actually sat down and cried because he didn’t know the extent of what I was talking about when I said I had a bad past and I don’t react well to any sort of violence.

I feel like a disappointment yall and I really want to meet him where he is so he can enjoy sex as much as he wants without me wigging out and looking like a lunatic. I feel like I am broken