Toddler out of control

My 2nd LO is 8 days old. I have a 3 yo at home as well. Needless to say, it’s been a hectic week full of adjustments. My toddler is driving me insane. She has always been strong willed, headstrong, stubborn, you name it, but I am OVER IT!

Playing a board game with her today. When it comes time to clean up, she threw a full on tantrum for 20+ minutes. Screaming, throwing herself everywhere. At dinner she wants a snack instead. Proceeds to pull the shelf down in the pantry, cereal goes everywhere.

She does not listen to me. She hits, kicks, screams, everything. Time outs don’t work. Spanking doesn’t work. Yelling doesn’t work. I’m at the point where I legit do not know what else to do other than put her in her room to scream it out.

Idk why I’m posting this or what I’m looking for. I just feel like a shitty mom who’s messing up raising her because she’s just so bad. This seems excessive even for a three year old and idk what to do.