I need to vent possible tw

I’m going to of course give some backstory

My partner and I are queer, both 32 years old. When we first got together of course the honeymoon phase was very sexual. But once we were out of it, things tapered off.

My partner and I had discussed sex at the beginning of our relationship and how a regular sex life was important to the health of our relationship. We don’t see each other often and get 2.5 days together a week, most weeks with the occasional week where we don’t because they are in the military and we live 1,5 hours apart so with fuel being $4/gallon driving the 3 hours altogether every day isn’t feasible. Well our sex life has been next to nonexistent recently. Either because I’m not in the mood or they aren’t. We respect each other’s boundaries and consent is necessary.

Tonight, they were touching my nipples and I got aroused and then they turned off the light to go to bed. I expressed to them as I have more than once that I would appreciate if they wouldn’t touch me sexually if they aren’t in the mood to have sex because I get aroused more easily than they do. Well the response I got hurt my feelings, they said “why is everything always about sex with you” to which I responded “when did I make it about sex? We went 2 weeks without having any sex and I never once complained. It’s okay for me to ask you not to do things you are aware turn me if your intention is to just go to sleep.” And they said “I’m just not going to do anything with you anymore.”

My feelings are really hurt right now because I expressed a very fair and clear boundary and now they’re going to completely withdraw sex because I told them I don’t want to be touched in a sexual way and then just go to sleep especially when our sexual intimacy hasn’t really been there as much. This is unusual for them because they are really good about respecting any boundaries I have because they knew in my previous relationship my ex was very abusive both physically and sexually.

I told them “I’m very respectful of the fact that I have a higher sex drive than you, that is why I have 6 vibrators but we haven’t had as much sexual intimacy lately than we used to so of course when you’re touching me sexually I am going to think that you might be wanting to have sex and yes there will be a level of disappointment in finding out that we are once again not going to be having sex. Not everything is about sex with me but like we discussed, a regular sex life is important to the health of our relationship and trying to maintain a somewhat regular sex life when we only see each other on the weekends if you don’t have watch and have to work is already difficult enough but I have always been respectful when you’re not in the mood so it’s okay for me to tell you that I don’t want you to touch me in places that arouse me when your intention isn’t to have sex.”