1 yr old discipline Help

Please no judgement. I’m mentally exhausted.

Little back history, I’m the mother of a happy healthy little boy Markus. His father and I do the best we can together. He works over seas which leaves me as a stay at home mother to my son which I am very very grateful for. I do however find myself burning out often. I want more than everything to be able to mentally handle being a stay at home mom but I’m trying to discipline my 19 mo old and I am struuuuuugling. He is very active loves to explore and I love to allow him to do that. But he is simply not listening to the word no. And I’m struggling with hitting, throwing toys, what I think seems like anger issues. It’s breaking my heart. I’ve been trying everything, maybe too much, maybe I need to stick to one thing, maybe I’m over thinking 😫 ive tried saying gentle, showing him we touch softly, ive tried time out, ive tried redirecting nothing seems to be effective. And asking him not to fo something goes in one ear and out the other. Saying no please don’t and redirecting is not working. He looks at me smiles and does it again. I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m completely failing. I resorted to spanking today which resulted in him laughing at me and me crying. I know I did it out of frustration and that’s not the mother I want to be. He’s so so smart. He says so many words and sometimes will come over after hitting me and hugs me without me asking him too 🥺 I feel like he understands so much and I’m failing to teach him. Please all helpful tips would be amazing. No judgement please.

*We have a ped appointment tomorrow.