Please be kind.

I caught my husband cheating.

After a whole month of feeling depressed that came out of know where was only my gut feeling telling me something isn’t right with my husband. I started to think deeply and trying to piece things together. One of the things that stood out was social media. My husband would always tell me “nobody needs to know our relationship. I like to be private” so I dismissed and I agreed with him. From the time we were together dating he has maybe uploaded 2 or 3 pictures of us. It almost looked like was playing the single father role.

He was a big fan of Snapchat. Which where it all took place. He would snap me the beginning of our relationship. But Snapchat wasn’t really my thing.

How I found out.

All it took for me was a simple heart reaction on a post he posted on his Facebook that was meant to be funny. As well as many others. All heart reaction on his posts. From there it’s where it started it all. Now I’m not going into what he was liking on her post. But what I saw was enough for me to suspect cheating was going on.

On June 29th I was washing dishes and I was not doing well mentally. My husband came from behind me. And told me what was wrong I told him. I asked who was (let’s name her “Samantha”) Samantha. The girl who was reacting to his posts with heart reactions. And he said “i don’t know why she does that”. I brushed it off. And he proceeds to tell me that I need to get out of the house more often. And such. (I’m a stay at home mom) he said how about we take a trip to San Francisco . So we did. With our 2 kids in tow. Looking back it looks like he wanted to make the trip to make it look everything was okay. And blame me for staying cooped up at home. We only did one thing in San Francisco and we stayed 2 days. We went out to eat but that was about it.

On July 11th (our 7 year anniversary being together) I had enough. After looking At Samantha profile that was it. I told him I’m leaving. (Taking a 15 minute ride to clear my head) I was already in my car. Till my 1 year started to cry. Came inside to put him down to sleep. And off I was going to go. My husband stopped me. Told him what was going on. And what I saw. Him liking her posts. Things about “are you married? Yea but it’s not that serious?” He looked me in the eyes and said “I’ve never cheated on you” ………wrong. The next day July 12 was out 3 year wedding anniversary. I asked him if he had any plans. He said “oh naw I don’t have any”

July 22nd it when I finally looked at his Snapchat. I scrolled down and saw her name Samantha. I clicked on it and low and behold. It was going on since January 1st 2021. I read every single message. Of course Snapchat only saves so many message everything else is gone.

I confronted my husband. And it wasn’t pretty let’s say. I threatened with tearing our marriage license apart. And well the rest was a lot of screaming snd yelling. He begged and begged. From 12am till 5am. He told me he never met her. But knew who she was. He swore on the kids that he never met her. And that everything was bullshit. Small talk. He wasn’t serious on the things that he said. A lot of the snapping took place when he worked graveyard. He would snap her pictures. And a lot of the messages was her asking him “when you gonna come see me?” “When are you gonna send me money?” She sent her cash app to him. “You look like you make a lot of money” and some where her sending pics to him. “Sending virtual kiss” No nudes. Just selfies. This girl is 22 23. Has a record. Child endangerment, dwi, assaulting her probation officer. Etc. of course my husband probably said inappropriate things back to her. But Snapchat delete convos. (He never sent her money btw) and hw swore up and down that he never sent her any or seen her.

That same day. My husband deleted social media. He has gotten so much better. In communicating and listening to my needs. He’s a totally different man. And I love it. He has owned up to his mistakes. He regrets and feels remorse for me. And he takes 100% the blame for this. Things are going great. He’s actually been doing so much better. He hugs me alot. He holds my hand now. But deep inside I can’t shake it off.

I have my questions that always seem to pop up at the worst times. Why? Why did it take for me to look at his Snapchat to see he was cheating. Can I be able to trust him 100%? Etc.

Not only I ask many questions. But I also find myself having triggers. And trauma. I can be cooking and then I have a trigger. We have marriage counseling on August 9th. And I’m hoping that that day I can find some sort of healing. And what I can do to stop these triggers.

My question to others who has been through this. With a emotional cheating spouse, dealing with triggers and trauma. How do you do it? How do you move on? How do you cope? Did marriage counseling helped?

I still see myself going my separate way. Because the trauma and triggers are too much and i don’t know if I could live like this for the rest of my life.

If you have read this far. Thank-you.

Please no bashing. This is hard enough for me. And even more hard since there are 2 kids (5 & 1) involved.