Selfish to keep it secret?

Question

I’m watching one of my favorite movies called the best man holiday.
Spoiler alert
In the movie Mia is sick with cancer and dying. Her and her husband told their parents but not their small children or their friends. Every time I watch this movie it hits me in the feels I love this series so much and the acting is amazing.
But I wanted to ask is it selfish to keep it a secret that you are dying? How do you break it to smaller children?

Answer

I guess a lot of it would depend on their age and what they’re able to understand. 🤷‍♀️

Answer

my brain says you should tell your children that you’re sick/dying, but i don’t think i would be able to if it came down to it. 
i just don’t think i could look my baby in the eyes and tell her she’s going to have to live without me. 😭

Answer

I don’t think so. When someone finds something terrible like this out they also need time to process and grieve the information themselves. Everyone is going to react to something like this different. I would respect someone’s wishes and how they handle the situation even if it upset me.

Answer

I think honesty is best. It's not fair to children to say nothing and then all of a sudden a parent is just gone. My mum's dad was sick with a brain tumor when she was young. He died when she was eight and she and her younger brother were kept out of everything. They weren't allowed to see him and had no idea what was going on. The only thing she really remembers is getting into his room at one point and sitting with him in his bed. My grannie came in and found her and ran her out of there right quick. When it became clear that he was dying, my mum and uncle were shuffled off to friends of the family and no one told them anything. When they were allowed to go home weeks later, he was just gone. He died while they were away and they weren't even allowed to go to the funeral. I think that messed them both up a bit. They should have been told and allowed to visit him when he was still at home. They were never able to grieve properly.

Answer

I think its more selfish for those who get angry and feel like they should've been told. Some people don't want to spend whatever time they have left with people treating them differently, feeling sorry for them or changing the emotions in the atmosphere

Answer

Yes, totally selfish. My aunt did this 20 years ago and I’m still hurt, angry and upset about it.
Another childhood friend of my brother did this recently too. Pushed everyone in his life away. Everyone. Died all alone.
Smaller children… well I’d say there are probably books about this to read to them about it. And if there aren’t… I’d write one. I’d have counseling sessions with them and live out my best moments as much as possible.

Answer

No.
Not everyone can hold or handle the grief of their loved ones while they themselves are dying.  It is protective of oneself and protective of oneself is not selfish.

Answer

I have a friend who’s mom died of cancer when she was 12. She never knew her mom was sick. She’s never expressed ill feelings towards her mom for not telling her. Just how grateful she is that her mom was able to do so much (like maintaining the household, child care, working etc. she was a single mom) and that she spent as much time with her and her siblings as she could. I guess it truly depends

Answer

I do think it’s selfish in a way. I only say this from going through this with my grandmother’s death. She was just 49 years old when she passed a few months before turning 50. 
Anyway I knew she had health problems from drugs(she had stopped using when my first cousin was born), but I didn’t know how her health was. No matter how much pain she was in, she stood in place for my parents at school events in elementary whenever she could. We were in Walmart shopping, and we looked at swim suits. My mom had went somewhere to get some water. My grandmother literally fainted right in front of me, so I panicked and I’m screaming for help because I never seen that happen. Found my mom and an employee called 911. Technically she was dead, but they were able to revive her at the hospital. 
Fifth grade was the year I think she was not doing so good. She was in the hospital. To make it worse people at church telling me to pray for her to get better. I didn’t know she was ready to die and my mom didn’t tell me that until years later. So I was angry at everyone that told me to pray for my grandmother to get better. 
I think I would’ve handled her death better if I had known she was ready to go.

Answer

There is no right way in these situations I’d say. At least not one right way for all. These are tragic, horrendous events- the stuff of my nightmares honestly, and I cannot imagine how I’d cope. I could cry all night just thinking about it if I let myself.

Selfish to keep it secret?

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