Why does this happen between mothers and daughters?

I recently just moved out of my parents house in June. My mom and I have always bumped heads but it’s been a lot more since I moved out.

I moved out of state with my bf at the time my child’s father who soon moved out a week later being a full time father was too much for him so he left and he was also tired of my mom, my mom use to come over at any times of the night asking for me to babysit my brother or just coming to be nosey. Which caused arguments between me and him. he also was taking his frustration out on me as well I kept getting beat on. I wasn’t happy at all. I thought he was the love of my life I knew him since I was 14. That situation took a lot out of me it sent me into a deep depression state and it caused me to have ptsd. I go to counseling because of this. I was scared to tell my parents what happened because I didn’t want to hear I told you so. But they ended up finding out anyways because my kids told them. As a mom I would come hug my child just to show support. She says why did you move in with him anyways, he is ghetto and means you no good. It may have been true but that was the wrong time to say it. I’m like mom look I don’t want to argue I made a mistake and I corrected the problem. I’m sorry there was really nothing more I can do or say.

The relationship between her and him was always strained because she was upset with him for getting me pregnant while I was in college. But that was both our fault we were both adults. But the relationship between everyone got ruff. When my mom went to one of her friends and pretty much told all of my business. My mom was so upset with me for being pregnant that she called me all types of bitches, sluts, whores, she told me that my baby was going to die of herpies and that me and my baby had aids. Which I don’t have anything clean bill of health. She told her friend all of this. So I was sitting in the living room and she was on the phone with her friend, her friend said that she wanted to talk to me I didn’t think it would be anything bad, so I did get on the phone with her she tells me why are you having another baby when your baby isn’t even 1 years old yet. She tells me that I’m going to catch something and die. So I took offense and I did curse my moms friend out because it wasn’t her place to comment on anything and my mom shouldn’t have told her my business in the first place. So of course my mom’s friend didn’t like what I said so she knows my babydad’s family so she went and told everything that my mom told her about me. So ever since then his mother never liked me. I tried to explain this to my mom but she doesn’t believe me it just causes an argument. So I leave it alone but it caused alot of tension between me and him. I’m having his child, we in love so why would I not have a relationship with him that’s my kids dad. My mom felt like I shouldn’t be with him but she is still friends with someone who disrespected me. But if anyone else disrespects me it’s an issue.

Fast forward

She was always complaining about my kids or complaining that my kids were eating all the food. But I brought the food as well, so if they ate something it was ok because I brought it. At the time I wasn’t stable at all to even move out. And my mom knew that she use to rub that in my face time after time. She also started a fight with his mom and of course I’m not going to let anyone hit my mom regardless that’s my mom I love her. So of course I got involved one big fight over nothing. I lived with her so I kind of had to do what she said or I’ll be put out. She made me press charges and file for custody child support everything. So had interviews but I couldn’t keep a job because of the court dates. I personally feel like the situation could have been avoided. The kids had everything they needed anyways, he brought over a few things but he lost his job. Sometimes you have to give people time.

But I soon got myself together but a job and a car, so things where looking up conrona shut down the world. So she still had her job but I had to work from home my kids didn’t have school. But my brother had to do online schooling my mom expected me to work and still help my brother with class and homework, keep in mind I still had to watch my own kids and my brother was 17 at the time so he was old enough to do his own work, he has special needs but he still functions like me and everybody else. In the mix of all of that she also expected me to do her hair. Hair is a hobby of mine but I don’t do it as a living I don’t have time. I told her mom I can’t have to work and deal with my kids all hell broke loose and she swung on me . So we started fighting my dad broke us up. And she told me to get out, so I packed my clothes and went to a hotel. My dad told her I left and she came up there and basically made me and my kids come back home and apologized after my dad told her she was wrong. But why does it have to take somebody else to get you to realize your wrong.

After that everything started going good between us until I told her I’m moving out because I need more space I’m 25 it’s time for me to start my own path through life. She was beyond pissed, she blew up on me. Then when she found out it was another state she was even more mad. So she had an attitude with me

From April to June. After my dad talked to her she said. I’m proud of you. That’s all I wanted to hear in the first place.

But recently life has been kicking my ass lately ptsd and depression was getting to me. I have been in 2 car accidents, the life of my life put bruises on me, it flooded where I live and I lost my car, I lost my job as well but I found another one. I want to move back to we’re I’m from but I can’t break my lease so I’m stuck anybody going through all of that would go crazy.

But on Friday me and the kids were at her house with my dad while we was out work. The kids grabbed her shoes because my dad took them in the family room with him and they were pulling the shoes out. I didn’t know that the shoes were out if I did I would have put them back I always clean up after my kids. But she calls me and says your kids had my shoes and your dad was yelling at me about it. I said well why didn’t he tell me when I was there she says idk why but those kids are your responsibility. Ok I get it but I can’t fix a problem if I don’t know it’s there. She didn’t like that so of course she yelled at me and I did yell back I’m driving on the highway trying to avoid an accident and you arguing with me I’m trying to figure out how am I going to be able to get another car. My car was totaled, I’m stressed I’m depressed, I’m trying to figure out what’s the point of being on earth if I’m going to feel this way. And she’s arguing with me she knows my struggles, so I don’t understand why she is kicking me when I’m down. So I told her I will call her back when I’m home but she got mad and hung up anyways. So I called my dad to ask him what’s the problem he says I didn’t complain about it I just said they took her shoes out. So he puts her on 3 way and says we are trying to gang up on her and says I’m disrespectful. So I hung up it was too much for me I’m tired of people treating me any kind of way . She did call me but I hung up. So today I had to get my laptop from her house and she basically told my don’t come back she loves her grand kids she don’t love me anymore, just being evil and mean for nothing. And it hurts it’s hurts alot I know I’m not perfect and I’m not trying to bash her but it would be nice to have a mom who cared how I feel. She didn’t have the best relationship with my grandma, from what she tells me my grandmother didn’t treat her the best and I feel like she is still holding on to that and she projects those feelings on to me. I love my mom lords knows I do but I can’t keep having her hurt me. What she I do I want her in my life but my relationships she ruins and friendships she destroys it’s like she gets jealous what to do I’m lost