Im days away from meeting my little girl and I can’t help but feel terrified , I have a 2 year old girl already , But when I found out I was pregnant with another one I was pretty depressed I wanted a boy so bad , But after a while feeling her kicks I just started falling in love , So back story growing up I had the worst childhood I was treated like crap by my parents and my brothers , My dad used to beat on me for anything , For wearing nail polish , Lip gloss i couldn’t wear tight clothes or shorts or even skirts Nor dresses , I was treated like a boy literally I was forced into playing soccer and I hated it at first but then I had fun but once my dad noticed me getting close to boys he would beat me once we got home , Mind you all I was 8 years old and my dad was a drunk , My mother was way worse she absolutely hated me and SHOWED IT , She always told me how she never wanted to have a girl that when she found out I was a girl that she wanted to abort , I was forced to cook clean , and do everything for my brothers they were allowed to have fun and friends while I couldn’t even go out in the yard without getting yelled at , So I grew up with a lot of hate in my heart , I absolutely hated my parents , My grandpa died when I was twelve “my dads Dad” so that changed my fathers attitude towards me he stopped beating me , And making me wear baggy clothes , He stopped drinking and I started getting closer to him but my mom never changed She absolutely treated me like a maid , Never hugged me never told me she loved me , I was forced to watch my younger siblings I had NO LIFE every time I went out I had to bring my 1 year old sister with me EVERYONE thought she was my daughter , So fast forward I moved out at 18 and never looked back I continued to have a relay with my family because I just loved them even after everything , But now having little girls myself I see a lot of my moms attitude in me and I don’t want to have this kind of hate in my heart I do not want to do what my mother did to me , I love my kids and I would never physically hurt them but the attitude is their and I don’t know how to stop , I’ve tried therapy but I just can’t find one that genuinely makes me feel good or better , I’m scared I want to cry , Some days I want to leave my kids and run away out of fear that I am going to ruin them the way my own mother ruined me , I just need advice , Idk if it’s the pregnancy hormones but I just can’t help but feel like I don’t deserve my babies