I need prayer

Hey ladies...I know I'm a stranger but I really need prayer. I feel very hopeless and I know the enemy is trying to attack me. I have a relationship with God which means the world to me, but it's very hard for me to even feel things sometimes. To feel his love and I ask God every night how come I'm still here. My mom and dad could care less about me. They always say things like you're a dead beat child. And I think to myself no man is ever going to want me. All the men I'm supposed to trust have hurt me in bad ways I don't want to get into details about. Every time I ask for help I get the same response God is your heavenly father go to him. When I do I can do nothing but cry. I get so angry with God asking me why the church prayed for me why he let me live and why he can't just bring me home already. I get it we are not supposed to question God's authority. But I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so broken.