I don’t think I’d be this upset if it weren’t for the fact that we had a talk not long ago about how I am feeling emotionally neglected and emotionally unsafe in the relationship. It feels like nothing changed, only him changing what he thinks will work, like him putting his hand on my leg while I sit next to him while he plays on the computer or watches YouTube videos. And it’s only for a brief moment. He has also been asking, “Do you need a hug?”, sometimes with a pouty face…not sure what that part is about….

I’ve known for a long while now (months) that he will wake up in the morning, go sit on the toilet with his phone and masturbate. He also goes and does this while I’m still sitting at the computer (I spend a lot of time with him, and that’s normally where we sit is right there in separate chairs), and tells me he is taking a crap. But I can see his silhouette through the black curtain we have over the doorframe of the bathroom in our bedroom, phone in hand and other hand on his junk.

When I am laying in bed in the mornings, I can sometimes hear him. I cry because I’m right here. Now, I understand “let the man do his thing”, but like I said, I don’t feel well in this relationship and we don’t have sex often as it is. Maybe once or twice a week, and every once in a while it will last more than 5 or 10 minutes.

I normally have a high sex drive. He tells me that he has a low sex drive, but will be willing if I ask for it. Is it wrong of me to not want to have to outright ask, “Hey, can we have sex?” Instead just engaged in touching, kissing and extra attention? For real though, is this okay, or should I speak it? Hell, at this point I’m not sure what to do. I haven’t confronted him this time, but I’m scared because last time I talked to him about how I felt, I feel as if my breath was wasted and my emotions were tossed to the side.

Btw, he knows and understands that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 9 years before we got together. I understand that’s mine to deal with and isn’t his problem and he is not my ex, but it still hurts so bad.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Lonely

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