I guess I’m just wondering the point in all of this..

I am to the point where I’m questioning the point in even being in my relationship or any relationship at all. I have been in three relationships in my life (two if you don’t count the high school relationship). Each one has failed me and hurt me harder than the last. I’ve been lied to, cheated on, manipulated, emotionally abused, berated, belittled, harassed by females in the most recent.

I want affection, some form of intimacy, positive attention (instead of the negative comments and being told in a dumb ass for absolutely no reason). Having to walk on eggshells is ridiculous and tiring. I’m mentally and physically exhausted due to many aspects of my life and I shouldn’t have to also be drained because of a relationship. A relationship should be happy.. a partner should be a safe place in your life.. not constantly wondering what will trigger them to start belittling you.

I constantly go above and beyond for him and his child he has from a previous relationship. I constantly do “wife” things for somebody who doesn’t even treat me how you should treat a girlfriend who goes above and beyond.

I want to be loved. Where’s the affection? I can’t even hug you? Forget trying to cuddle up to you.. that leads to an extremely nasty look in my direction and a “what the fuck are you doing”. Sex? Lmfaoo. If he doesn’t want to cuddle then you can already imagine that our sex life has died and I’ve decided that I’m done trying to initiate anything. Half the time he ruins the mood anyways by talking shit to me or saying something negative that completely turns me off and makes me no longer want to have sex. He is invested in everything but this relationship at this point. So I’ve decided that he can have everything else.

I’m not in a position financially (due to some decisions I’ve made for him) to leave which I know most of you will say. So I’m looking for another job so that I can situate my finances and then just disappear because I’ve taken all i can take from every aspect of my life.