Husbands and alcohol, he’s amazing sober but an asshole drunk. Anyone else dealt with this?

Let me start by saying my husband is amazing, he’s kind, supportive, very attentive, I only gave to mention something I’m struggling with and he does it without asking. He’s an amazing step father and loves my kids and I and takes wonderful care of us. But he has a problem. He will occasionally get very drunk, like every few months he’ll have one to many and he becomes a different man. He becomes very grumpy and sensitive, and will lash out at anything I say. Like anything will set him off, he doesn’t get physically abusive or anything but he will say very hurtful things. And last night he and my son were playing and my son starting whining because he didn’t like it anymore, so I told him he needs to look dad in the eye and say please stop I don’t like that. So he did and my husband who was drunk I don’t think heard him and went on and on about how he needs to stop being so whiny which is when I stepped in and basically said hey he asked you to stop whiteout whining, you need to listen and stop. (Which quick background, my sons father was very abusive and manipulative, and we’ve worked a lot with teaching him that when daddy or grandpa are being to aggressive with him he needs to learn to tell them to stop, and if they don’t stop he needs to let mommy know so I can help. So it’s very important to me that my husband respects that so my son can feel safe when he’s home, he needs to know that that’s not how mean treat their sons.) Well it turned into an argument that I’m sheltering him to much and I’m turning him into a pussy. Obviously I know better than to argue with someone who’s been drinking so I left it at you need to leave him be for now. And my husband stormed off and made a big deal about saying he was going to stay at his parents, which I talked him out of because obviously drinking and driving is a terrible idea. So he ended up sleeping on the couch. Today he feels terrible and I plan on having a conversation with him after work. The thing he, he really is remorseful the next day, and he hates that he hurt me, but I think he’s in denial that alcohol is the problem and I don’t know how to get through to him. And I know alot of people on her will say he’s a jerk leave him he shouldn’t treat your son like that etc, but that’s not him. 99% of the time he is incredible. I want to help him and work through this because he really is an amazing man, and it’s not every time he drinks it’s only when he drinks past a point. I don’t think he knows how to control it though. Idk. I just need advice from someone who’s been here, how did you bring it up and talk to your spouse about it without them feeling like your attacking them or belittling them?