Where to start?

Sorry for the long post but I need help and to understand why I need to vent. 3 almost 4 years ago I found out my husband was messing around with a 21 year old Co worker. Told me he wanted a divorce but also said he could change his mind. He would stay out all night sometimes not even come home. Even went out with her on our wedding anniversary. One night he picked me up from work and drove to where she was and made me sit in the car for 2 hours while he kept her company at work.. I stayed and eventually they stopped talking for w.e reason and he said he wanted to fix us. Should also add in he was speaking to gay men on dating sites as well as women during this time. Also went out with another woman he met while working at a hotel. Anyways, fast forward after he says let's fix us and he starts talking to a new female coworker this time in her 40s. Puts locks on his phone and ignores me. One night I took his phone and hid it I just wanted him to talk to me. I sat on the couch and he put his fists into the couch with my head between them screaming in my face to give it back. He started going out again to drink at her house said she was just a friend. Up until this point in life he never let me go out with coworkers or friends it always pissed him off. One night I decided to go to my coworkers house so I wouldn't be alone she was becoming a friend. So I told him I would need a ride home. He told me to not make it a early night...I called him at 3am he was at her house drunk and screaming at me that it's late and he has to work in the morning...he came and got me drunk..swirving all over the road screaming at me..said I was the reason he hated his life and he wish he would die. He eventually said he wanted a separation so I moved out.a few months later he wanted me to come back. Admitted that he did things with the 40 year old but said he put a end to it. So I came back. At the start of all this I developed a eating disorder and dropped over 100 pounds in a year. Also have bipolar now. Ptsd and depression, anxiety and tmj. They are now watching me for kidney failure and my body is always sick. I get severe stomach pains. A few months after I came back I found him talking to another Co worker but it didn't get to far I messaged her husband and my husband apologized so I stayed. Then I saw messages between him and a gay male coworker talking about his privates. When we came back from vacation that coworker had sent by ups mail two envelopes of pictures of them arm and arm, selfies and these pictures were wrapped up in a Google printout of a how to make a homemade baby mobile. The coworker said he sent three letters but I saw 2. He claims the third never arrived ( I usually don't check the mail). I've asked him several times if he is gay he gets pissed and screams that he isn't. I'm currently not working due to my health and he has been screaming at me to get a job. Doesn't talk to me much except to fight with me. Refuses to spend time with me but then screams at me that I don't spend time with him but everytime I ask to even watch TV he says no. He has locks on his phone again and it's always ALWAYS in his possession. He ran up my cards im in debt. I have been planning a trip next week to see some friends I haven't seen in a long time. He knew how important this is to me. He pushed our bills off to buy himself a 4wheeler and has only given me 400 for my trip...says to make due and screams at me anytime I bring it up. Keeps buying parts for the 4wheeler. Won't give me grocery money or pick up my medicine from the pharmacy. I don't drive due to my anxiety and he never let me drive even though I have my license. Times I've tried to leave while fighting he chases after me and takes the keys. So I dont drive. I'm fully aware how toxic all this is. My therapist said im a abused puppy in a cage with the door open but im scared to step out and she's right. Im angry at myself that I can't just walk my God why can't I just walk I want to I need to. It's killing me. I'm to sick to work and unemployment is on hold now for months. He claims he works all the time literally 9am to 11pm or later everyday. In debt. Sick. Mental emotional abuse everyday. How do I get out? Where do I start to pick up my life?