Strange .. strange feelings when breastfeeding...

Well.. hello everyone.. I am a first time mom.. my son is 3 and a half months old.. ever since the first time I ever breastfed, up until now...

Every...single time... he latches on, -if I'm hungry, I lose my appetite... and even if im.not hungry as soon as he latches on.. I just feel this overwhelming sense of ...... honestly I can't even express this. I've never experienced anything like this before.. but it feels almost as if when he latches on.. I just feel wrong.. or like something not right.. or feelings of anxiety... it starts to mellow out after a few mins into breast feeding ... but it trips me out ... I don't understand why it happens... when he latches on and for a few mins after- I feel depressed, anxious, wrong, I feel like crying.. I don't feel worthy.. I feel anxious about life.. my appetite goes away from all these overwhelming feelings...

But yet in my general day.. when I get depressed and anxious, the only thing I want to do is breast feed.. I don't feel so alone...

I'm a recovered alcoholic... and cigarette smoker

.. I have nothing to the the edge off.. im just here marinating in life's circumstances. But I'm just trying to figure out why I feel this..... and if anyone else experiences this as well...