Rainbow Baby

I had a MMC in March of this year. It happens the day I hit 12 weeks pregnant. I barely remember it actually happening I truly think it traumatized me. I just found out I’m pregnant again last week. And so far, every single thing about this pregnancy seems healthier. My HCG didn’t double from the beta, it TRIPLED! but I still have this extreme feeling of fear. And guilt. Like people make it seem like rainbow pregnancies will be excitement and happiness. All I have felt so far is Happiness clouded with Fear and absolute Terror. I find myself checking for bleeding constantly. I won’t lift anything. I quit smoking cold turkey the day I found out. I want nothing more than for this baby to be the baby that I get to meet..