Nicu and postpartum depression


Hello everyone! I just delivered my sweet little boy 08-18-21. He was born at 26w4d and weighed 2 pounds. He was sent to a children’s hospital because where I delivered , although it’s the best maternity hospital, where we live we have cardinal glennon which is one of the best hospitals for nicu babies . Anyway, I’ve struggled with postpartum depression with my other two children and I feel like it’s already starting with our preemie . Just the stress of him being here and seeing him attached to all these wired and breathing tubes is really hard and on top of that my fiancé doesn’t understand depression or any mental health matter because he grew up with a silver spoon( no hate) he just has literally never had anything awful happen in his life he’s had an easier go at things , which is awesome but when I struggle it seems like I get treated like a freak by him and his family. My parents both live out of state so I have no physical help or support system. Me being worried about our son and what his outcome will be on top of me feeling insecure and awful and just like a failure doesn’t help. I know it’s not about me and I need to focus on my son! I’m jealous of females now and idk why ? My emotions and hormones make it feel like I’m going insane . One day I’m fine , the next I can’t handle anything. How can I trust my partner? He’s never given any reason to not, but I feel like he flirts with the nurses. Maybe it’s in my head . 😔sorry about the rant , I’m just so confused and feel like my life is in chaos . I feel selfish posting this .