Lately my boyfriend has been getting angry or very emotional over the littlest things. The minute something doesn’t go his way or he is inconvenienced in the slightest, he goes into fits of rage. He says the most foul things about others, and about himself. It’s like nowadays the only words that come out of his mouth are negative. He’s also starting to get upset with me a lot. For example, I was getting tired while we were talking the other night, so the tone of my voice changed. All I said was “okay,” and that was enough to make him upset and question if I wanted to spend time with him and if I was upset with him. I was confused, because then he proceeded to start an argument over how I said “okay.”

I’ve been doing my best to be patient and trying to help him find solutions for his emotions and channel them into more positive things. Last night I couldn’t take it anymore and I told him I was tired of him being negative all the time. That’s when he opened up about being depressed, and being sad all the time. He said he gets angry at himself for being mad all the time and taking things too far, because he feels like he’s going to lose me.

Now as someone with trauma, and all the mental health issues that come with that, I understood as I have been actively seeing a therapist for a while now. So I told him that we can get help for it, but he has to be willing to put in the work, and fight for his happiness. I said I can lead you, and show you different ways to deal with your anger, but you’re the only one who can really make that change at the end of the day.

I love him more than anything on this earth, and I want to be there for him, but I told him unless he gets the help he needs, then I can’t stay with him. I explained how I was trapped in a hole, in a cycle, of my own negative thoughts. How I always had mentally set myself up failure, because I never thought I could do anything right. And after a childhood of trauma I never thought happiness was achievable for me. Until I worked on healing myself.

I feel selfish for telling him that I won’t be there for him, if he doesn’t commit to making an effort to change for himself. But I know mentally I don’t want to be back in that headspace again. With my ex bf he was depressed for months on end, and constantly talked about killing himself. It was draining trying to be positive all the time, while working on my own issues, and trying to keep him happy. Feeling like no matter what I said or did matter.

Overall I feel bad, for putting myself first, and basically giving him an ultimatum to work towards making a change, or I won’t be with him. Just needed to vent sorry for the long post.