Fight with husband for me the emotional pain hurts more then the physical

He kicked me in the back and other times I’ve hit him back we been 4 years dating and 2 years of marriage I cheated on him because of my sexual needs not being meant in years of marriage not even in the wedding night he wanted to be with me. I tried to fix it he never wanted to and has always blamed me. Before it was everyday now only once a week at most and he only ate me out once in years but always wants me to go down so I had a sneaky link with someone who did and enjoyed giving it to me I hadn’t felt that in years until my sneaky link and it’s amazing how someone made me feel what my husband didn’t make me feel in years. No more I love you no more cuddling nothing not even gifts for Valentine’s Day. He is selfish once he even told me that it wasn’t necessary to do that to women. There have been a few times he has kicked me in the back hard and sometimes I get back pain. He told me today he no longer loved me and I told him that I hate him for his rejection since I married him. Crying I have told him several times angry with him I cheated on you because of how you treat me since I married you I been an incomplete women he just said I don’t care you could be with who you want. Once I even took a whole bunch of pills to kill myself because of the sadness of his rejection since we got married. My head hurts so bad from so much crying haven’t eaten just drank water. He said today that he no longer loves me but I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore since I married him and the wedding night he went to sleep his rejection went from to worse he only gets close to me when he wants his sexual needs met. I know he didn’t cheat for a fact I was the one who did but because of my unhappiness.