I Feel Like I Ruined My Life

I feel like I ruined my life.

When I was in high school and about to graduate I met this boy that I went to school with. For the sake of privacy we will call him Layne. Layne was a couple years younger than me. He was new to my school and I didn’t know him that well. I was a really good kid. I got straight A’s, had lots of friends, participated in extra activities, went to church almost every Sunday, and did everything they wanted me to do. Layne was the complete opposite. I didn’t know anything about him at first but he really wasn’t a good kid. He would do drugs, sneak out at night, steal from his parents, and be disrespectful. I was very naive and lacked a lot of self confidence. I also had a okay relationship with my parents. It wasn’t good but it wasn’t bad. All in all I wound up cutting everyone in my life off, using all my money for him, being in situations I never thought I would be in, and giving up college. We were off and on for a couple years. So was my relationship with my parents. I eventually got my own place and we ended up getting back together. I knew it was toxic but I was convincing myself that he needed me and that he kept coming into my life for a reason. We ended up living together and he started putting hands on me. After a year or so the police eventually got involved. We stayed together and he has put his hands on me once since that and he hasn’t done it overall in a year. He has stopped doing drugs but is still self centered and treats me like shit. I don’t talk to anyone from my family. I am miserable. I want out but I barely have any money and don’t have a car. My credit is also messed up. I feel stuck. It’s been 4 years and I feel trapped. Like I deserve this. I feel alone. Everyday I want to go back in time and just never talk to him at school. My life was so much better before all of this and I took it for granted.