Parenting: It’s never one size fits all.
Today I reached out to someone from my bible study group, as I could tell she was struggling and needed support. I have had interactions with her in the past that made me a little uncomfortable, but I still care about her and wanted to help if I could. I felt she needed a friend.
Somehow the conversation lead us to discussing sleep. Both my kids are sleep trained. Something that is really important to me as a parent. I never encourage other parents to sleep train unless they ask about it, because I know it can be uncomfortable for people. Well, she asked what I meant. I explained around 4-5 months, we teach our babies to self-soothe. I explained it takes about a night (and a lot of will power and support).
Immediately she told me that wasn’t safe and that my children still needed MOTN feeds. Well, she had already drawn assumptions. I never said I dropped night feeds. I keep two scheduled feedings when I first sleep train, then gradually drop them with pediatrician approval.
I felt instantly judged.
Sleep training is how I maintain not only my mental, but my physical health. She doesn’t know I’m epileptic. If I don’t get enough sleep, I will have seizures. If I have seizures, I lose my driver’s license. If I have seizures, I can’t safely care for my children.
She apologized if she sounded “judgey”. Well, she definitely sounded that way.
I don’t care how other people parent. Do what you will, as long as your child isn’t at a huge safety risk or you’re breaking a law. I have friends who bedshare with their two year olds. Cool. Do what works for you, momma.
Let’s respect each other. We’re all different parents and our babies are different.
She really hurt my feelings today. I would never ever harm my children. To insinuate that is the absolute highest level of insult.
ETA: She eventually said, “Every parent is different...but, I won’t lie to you by saying ‘good for you’”. If it isn’t harmful and it improves my overall well-being, why wouldn’t you say “good for you”? Seems odd.
I tried to tell her she was being hurtful. She then called me a crybaby. Told me it wasn’t that deep. I shouldn’t be so upset. I gave up. I blocked her because I don’t need that toxicity in my life, but pray whatever inner battle she is dealing with gets resolved. She oozes misery, and it honestly makes me incredibly sad.