This is some doctor Phil shit so sit down and have a glass of wine or something lol.

My soon to be step daughter doesn't understand that I don't control her parents.

She sees me as a mom figure so she comes to me and tells on her mom and dad and I'm like i don't control your mom or dad and they do not answer to me. You can't tell on them to me, because they're adults and can do as they please. They are the ones who made you and what they say goes.

She doesn't see it that way, it doesn't matter that I did not make her. In her eyes, I have as much say as they do. She tells me "why do you let them boss you around." And I'm like girl they aren't bossing me, they're bossing you lol. Like if your mom is against you getting a cellphone I'm not gonna go behind her and get you one because that's shady and overstepping boundaries? How do you explain that to a child?

I don't know how to help her understand that yes, I am a parent to her but I am second in command essentially because she is THEIR child. Sometimes there's things she wants to do and if they say no she comes to me. Let's say mom says no coke, she'll come to me and ask for one and I said "did you ask your mom?" And she looks at me like I'm crazy. Like it shouldn't matter that she already asked her mom.

In her mind we are all the boss equally. If one boss says no then ask the other.

It's making me confused too. I don't know how to be a step parent and I'm learning as I go and I don't have any kids of my own so there's things I don't yet understand. My intentions was to let them coparent as they please, not try to control anything and go by their guidelines pretty much. I am here to love him, and his daughter and.. to support their coparenting. They made her, they were her parents first and foremost and have raised her this far just fine and do not need me to intrude on that.

She however is like why on earth do they have any control over you? It makes her cringe. I'm not kidding, she literally cringes when I correct her about her parents and where I stand. If I am not equal to them, then I shouldn't get to have a say in anything and she doesn't have to listen to me.

Yes i am beneath them on the parent scale but it doesn't make me any less of a parental figure that you need to listen to.

I'm just. This is so weird

It makes me want to wait on making my own. This stuff is hard to figure out, like we all got our hands full. I want to learn how to do this first before I step into birthing more people that I have to parent.